Daily Blend: 04/29/13

James McCormick

Canada is apparently eager to show that it can pass horrible and repressive laws in the name of “national security”, too.
(via @ioerror; RT: @ggreenwald)

A win for reality: James McCormick ^[pictured], who made millions by selling completely useless “dowsing rod”-style bomb detectors, is finally convicted of fraud (after hundreds have already perished).

LGBT history milestone: NBA center Jason Collins becomes first active US big-league sports player to come out as gay.

And finally, Glenn Beck tragically wins wrong kind of Darwin award.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Left & Right: Boston bombing caused by our pet causes

Tamerlan & Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Whether it’s from boxing-induced brain damage …

Could the amateur boxing career of Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the deceased suspect in last week’s Boston Marathon bombings, have had a role in the massacre? That’s a question leading brain researchers at Boston University’s School of Medicine hope medical examiners look into when they perform an autopsy of the 26-year-old who was killed during a firefight with law enforcement officials early Friday morning.

[…]

“Is it possible that some changes might have gone on in his overall functioning due to his boxing and potentially related brain disease? Yes,’’ said [Dr. Robert Stern]. “Anything is possible. But to then jump to the disease leading to well-planned behavior like this, I couldn’t go there.’’

… or marijuana-induced brain damage …

Accuracy in Media’s Cliff Kincaid is citing reports that the two Boston marathon bombers may have been drug dealers and that “the younger brother was a pothead” to argue “that dope’s effect on the brain is what may have led him into his brother’s terror activities.”

… it’s always reassuring to watch both the Left and Right go to ridiculous lengths to try and shoehorn an as-of-yet unexplained act of terrorism into their pet issues, especially if it allows them to eschew any uncomfortable discussion about possibly complex and nuanced factors in favor of a lazy and uselessly simplistic answer like “their brains work wrong!”.

Americans: Picking themselves off by passing repressive laws

How long before this passes from cynical prediction to reality?

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

PATRIOTIC MAN: (reacting to Boston bombing) We must not succumb to tragedy.

---

PATRIOTIC MAN: We’re Americans.

---

PATRIOTIC MAN: (comforting weeping bald eagle and Lady Liberty) Let’s pick ourselves up. Dust ourselves off.

---

PATRIOTIC MAN: (as SWAT trooper brandishing shock baton; drone flies in BG) And pass some repressive laws.

Considering how the surviving suspect, a Chechen-born naturalized US citizen, has already had his Miranda rights suspended (raising the question of why they’re even called “rights” if they’re ignored so easily and routinely), probably not very long at all. If there’s one thing the US has a proven knack for, it’s ignoring the cautionary words of its own beloved Founding Fathers.

Matt Bors adds a little commentary (it’s a few days old, before the alleged terrorists were identified):

As news of the Boston bombing was coming in I was this rush to assign blame to either right-wing patriot types or Muslim terrorists depending on if you were a liberal or conservative. I guess the idea was to score some political points off the dead blown apart bodies by demonizing an entire group. I won’t be surprised if it’s either group, but maybe we should wait until there’s a shred of evidence pointing to a culprit before we make ourselves look like a horse’s ass. There will be plenty of time in the coming weeks for demonizing, overreaction, and further militarizing our local police forces.

(via @ggreenwald)

Arkansas Republican mocks pro-gun-control “Boston liberals”

Rep. Nate Bell (R-AK)

I don’t have anything noteworthy to add regarding the almost Kafkaesque week the US is going through (not to mention that I’ve been unusually busy with a quasi-secret project that I’ll be unveiling soon). At this point, the most that any rational and decent people can do if unable to offer any direct assistance to those affected in Massachusetts, Texas, Illinois and wherever else calamity has struck in the last few days is to send their hearts and thoughts out to the victims and their close ones.

Or, in the case of Rep. Nate Bell (R-AK), mock them:

I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15 with a hi-capacity magazine? #2A

— Nate Bell (@NateBell4AR) April 19, 2013

Because the only thing to help in a massive police manhunt over an act of violence is a terrified and outraged mob taking to the streets with even more fucking guns.

Better yet, Bell later non-apologized for the timing of his statement, rather than having said such a ludicrously inappropriate thing at all. Because taunting the victims of terrorism should always be kept until after all their blood and tears have ceased to flow. Like, give it a week or something.

(via ThinkProgress)

Daily Blend: Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Bob Beckel

Canadian free speech ombudsman asked to investigate whether federal scientists are being unfairly muzzled by the government. (Y’know, as opposed to fairly muzzling them.)

Make a Counter-Strike map of a real Montréal metro station, get threatened with a $50,000 fine because it might, like, scare people or something.

In shocking news to all, a new study reveals that religion isn’t actually a very good deterrent against criminal behavior.
(via Friendly Atheist)

Fox News token liberal Bob Beckel ^[pictured]: “When was the last time you heard about a rape on campus?” Hmm, let’s see.

And finally, Cardinal Roger Mahoney, “humiliated” by God after he was caught shielding child-molesting priests from justice, is “asking God to bless and forgive” … his critics. Quoth Ed Brayton: You should be in prison, you sick bastard.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Sunday, February 10, 2013

Chris Hayes

Strong monologue by MSNBC’s Chris Hayes ^[pictured] about depressingly rampant liberal/progressive hypocrisy over the Obama administration’s escalated drone war.
(via @ggreenwald)

The easy solution to anti-gay bullying in schools: Just tell kids that they can pray the gay away!

FBI continues to heroically foil its own fake terrorist plots.

Bigot-tank Family Research Council rehashes the exact same arguments against allowing gays in the Boy Scouts that it used against repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. Because their predictions were so obviously correct the last time. (And the time before that, and …)

And finally, #INeedMasculismBecause it’s a comedic draw between watching MRAs try to explain their bigotry while the rest of the world laughs at them.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Penn. school officials nab 5-year-old bubble-blowing terrorizer

Pictured: WMD

Next thing you know, the Mount Carmel Area School District in Pennsylvania will be hiring its own counter-terrorism squad to crack down on threats like this:

Talking with a friend about a pink toy bubble gun got a five-year-old kindergarten girl in the Mount Carmel Area School District labeled as a terrorist threat, according to an attorney.

The incident occurred Jan. 10 while the girl was waiting in line for a school bus, said Robin Ficker, the Maryland lawyer retained by the girl's family. He would not identify the girl or her parents, but gave this version of events:

Talking with a friend, the girl said something to the effect “I’m going to shoot you and I will shoot myself” in reference to the device that shoots out bubbles. The girl did not have the bubble gun with her and has never shot a real gun in her life, Ficker said.

Elementary school officials learned of the conversation and questioned the girls the next day, Fickler said. He said the girl did not have a parent present during the 30 minutes of questioning.

The result, he said, was that the student was labeled a "terrorist threat" and suspended for 10 days, Ficker said. The school also required her to be evaluated by a psychologist, Ficker said.

Can we at least say those responsible saw the light by the end?

Ficker, who said he was contacted because the mother had read he handled a similar case in Maryland, suggested she ask the principal to expunge the record. That did not happen, but her suspension was reduced to two school days, and the reason for it changed to being labeled as a threat to harm another student.

Well, they saw twilight, anyway.

You’ve really got to keep an eye on them, I suppose, those rascally young’uns and their bubble-guns. Scourge of unprotected eyeballs everywhere, they are.

(via @iowahawkblog; RT: @radleybalko)

Wingnuts see suspicious lack of activity at NYC Islamic center

Park51 (artist’s rendering)

Only two years ago, the Right-wing mediasphere was going bonkers – more than usual, anyway – over Park51, a planned Islamic cultural center in lower Manhattan that’s been dishonestly smeared as the “Ground Zero Mosque”, despite being located several blocks away from the World Trade Center site and where a prayer space will only be one of the many features on offer once completed. It finally opened last year to remarkably little fanfare, as pretty much everyone other than a few obsessed reactionaries had failed to maintain any outrage over peaceful Muslim-Americans wanting to build a community center in the same city where unrelated extremists committed a horrible act years previously.

Well, the same cranks who were convinced Park51 was really just a ruse to plant a breeding ground for terrorists in the heart of New York City have been keeping watch over its development, and they’ve recently made a disturbing, even shocking, discovery: Only one year after the still-unfinished center opened its doors, people are actually praying there rather than partaking in its many activities (that don’t exist yet)! Enter the New York Post:

And while the developers behind Park51 insisted for two years that the project was more than a mosque, it now appears to be just that. Dozens of worshipers gather at the site on Park Place Friday for prayer services — but that’s the only activity in the building.

Gone are the Arabic classes, workshops in calligraphy, talks on the genealogy of Muslims in America, film screenings and art exhibits. The sole community event is a class in capoeira — an Afro-Brazilian martial art that combines dance and music. The teacher of the twice-weekly class said she has five students.

And after the article does its best to try and convince readers that the Islamic center’s current dearth of activities is somehow suspicious or newsworthy, it then slips in this telling little piece:

Development plans are now in limbo over fund-raising for the project and a dispute with Con Ed, which owns half the site. In 2009, El-Gamal’s company bought half the property, which once housed a Burlington Coat Factory store, for $4.8 million, and leased the other half from the utility. It is seeking to buy that part of the property.

In other words, the reason why Park51 doesn’t include most of its promised activities yet is a busy terrorist training schedule lazy immigrant developers mass khlav kalash poisoning mundane financial disputes.

Better yet, here’s how that bastion of nuance, Fox News, covered this non-story:

Because on Planet Wingnuttia, lack of any suspicious activity whatsoever is itself proof of suspicious activity. Reality just can’t win.

(via @SimonMaloy; RT: @mmfa)

Ex-White House spox: Murdered teen should’ve had better father

Abdulrahman al-Awlaki

I first read this tweet about “justif[ying] killing a child by saying he should have had a better father” thinking it was a reiteration of the common anti-abortion canard that terminating a rape pregnancy meant “punishing” the child-to-be for the father’s crime. Thankfully, it was about something completely different.

Something much worse:

How does Team Obama justify killing [16-year-old U.S. citizen Abdulrahman al-Awlaki, son of deceased accused terrorist Anwar al-Awlaki]?

The answer [Robert] Gibbs gave is chilling:

ADAMSON: ...It's an American citizen that is being targeted without due process, without trial. And, he's underage. He's a minor.

GIBBS: I would suggest that you should have a far more responsible father if they are truly concerned about the well being of their children. I don't think becoming an al Qaeda jihadist terrorist is the best way to go about doing your business.

Again, note that this kid wasn't killed in the same drone strike as his father. He was hit by a drone strike elsewhere, and by the time he was killed, his father had already been dead for two weeks. Gibbs nevertheless defends the strike, not by arguing that the kid was a threat, or that killing him was an accident, but by saying that his late father irresponsibly joined al Qaeda terrorists.

Abdulrahman wasn’t a terrorist, or even an alleged sympathizer. He wasn’t on any “kill list”, nor was he accused of anything beyond setting out to find his father after having not seen him in the years since the latter went into hiding. His sole crime was that his parent had aligned himself with al-Qaeda, indicating no misbehavior or ill will on the kid’s part. He was essentially murdered because of his father’s alleged misdeeds.

And according to the former White House Press Secretary and current senior advisor to the Obama campaign, that rationale is just peachy.

At least one possible silver lining to such a staggeringly amoral pronouncement is that it’s likely to shed more public light on the story of the President’s extrajudicial murder spree, including of innocent and otherwise non-convicted U.S. citizens.

(via RT: @radleybalko)

Daily Blend: Monday, October 08, 2012

Martin Ssempa

Man takes photo of storm clouds, gets questioned by FBI terrorism task force.

Today’s nonsensical threat that supposedly turns men gay and destroys civilization as we know it: Women drivers (in Saudi Arabia)!

Uganda pastor Martin “eat da poo-poo” Ssempa ^[pictured], chief proponent of Uganda’s “kill the gays” bill, convicted with five others for spreading false child-rape charges against another pastor.
(via Dispatches from the Culture Wars)

The anti-Freethought Blogs brigade really is a stupidly obsessed lot.

And finally, have a gob-smacking 3D rotating nebula.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Monday, September 24, 2012

Richard Dawkins

Fun: Being enthralled by a great book. Not fun: Returning to mundane reality afterwards. *le melodramatic sigh*

It’s come to the point where U.S. Islamic leaders are trying to discourage impressionable loners from terrorism whilst the FBI pushes them to commit it.
(via @notjessewalker; RT: @radleybalko)

Meanwhile, it’s getting difficult to take Richard Dawkins’s ^[pictured] complaints against accusations of Islamophobia seriously when he uses unreliable statistics about beliefs and attitudes in Pakistan to imply that “most Muslims” around the world aren’t “moderate”. It’s like he’s never heard of selection bias before.

And finally, this parting thought from Phil Plait: “I’m not sure I want to trust plans for NASA from the same guy who wonders why airplane windows don’t open.”

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Tags: Adel Daoud • Federal Bureau of Investigation • Islamophobia • Richard Dawkins • Islam • Muslims • moderates • Pew Research Center • Pakistan • Phil Plait • Mitt Romney • National Aeronautics and Space Administration • NASA • airplanes

Fail Quote: MA Police chief says drug use is “domestic terrorism”

Today’s nugget of Drug War insanity comes from Wilmington, Massachusetts Police Chief Michael Begonis:

“Illicit drug use is a form of domestic terrorism to some extent. It is preying on folks who are more susceptible and who need a better life. And it’s something that we need to deal with head on.”

Following this pronouncement, the Chief presumably returned to his office and later ordered a SWAT team to break into a family home with a battering ram and flashbangs at 3 AM to arrest granny for using marijuana to help soothe her aching arthritis. Household pets may or may not be shot on sight and later declared to have been “threatening” to the submachine-gun-toting paramilitary officers.

Mike Riggs at Reason.com has more.

(via @radleybalko)

Tags: Michael Begonis • domestic terrorism • Wilmington Police Department • drug use • drug users

Daily Blend: Friday, August 10, 2012

Phil “Thunderf00t” Mason

Phil Mason/“Thunderf00t” ^[pictured] escalates his vindictive obsession with Freethought Blogs from scorned twerpishness into raging, possibly criminal assholery. Fitting that his excuses amount to, “Okay, I broke into your house and stole your bank account and credit card info, and I told a few people what your balance is, but how dare you imply that I might steal your money?!”

13-year-old boy who tried to sell hot dogs to help his disabled parents before being shut down by a city ordinance is now homeless.
(via @radleybalko)

Old gem: “You are 8 times more likely to be killed by a police officer than by a terrorist”
(via @normative; RT: @radleybalko)

And finally, a handy flowchart to help determine whether your belief that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry is well-founded:
(via Joe. My. God.)

[full size (800×693)]

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Tags: Thunderf00t • Phil Mason • Freethought Blogs • listservs • Nathan Duszynski • Lynette Johnson • Doug Johnson • food carts • Holland, MI • terrorists • National Safety Council • flowcharts • gay marriage • same-sex marriage • Christianity • Bible • Old Testament • New Testament

Daily Blend: Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Mohammad Mahfud MD

Electrical companies Pepco and BGE will charge Maryland customers extra for all the power they didn’t get during the prolonged outage. I don’t even.
(via @radleybalko)

Indonesian Supreme Court chairman ^[pictured]: Atheists are totally free in our country! (Just ignore that guy we arrested and threw in jail for saying he didn’t believe in God.)

NYPD claims to have foiled 14 terrorist plots … then claims it never said that.
(via @ggreenwald)

A former religious-conservative shares how she learned to embrace Canada’s universal healthcare. It still astounds me to see some people acting like the government providing high-quality healthcare to everyone at little to no cost is a bad thing.
(via The Words on What)

A short list of annoying Christian platitudes (written by a Christian). “Love the sinner, hate the sin” is my favorite.
(via Friendly Atheist)

And finally, here’s a clam eating salt on a table:
(via The Agitator)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Tags: Pepco • BGE • power outages • blackouts • bill stabilization adjustment • Mohammad Mahfud • Indonesia • Supreme Court of Indonesia • atheists • Alexander Aan • NYPD • Paul Browne • ProPublica • terrorists • Justin Elliott • Melissa • universal healthcare • Canada • socialized medicine • Christians • Christianity • Christian Piatt • clams • molluscs

Daily Blend: Saturday, June 16, 2012

Martha Payne

Some good news: Virginia Board of Medicine votes to protect existing abortion clinics from uselessly oppressive restrictions.

How the drone strike campaign in Yemen is helping al-Qaeda.
(via The Agitator)

Scottish 9yo ^[pictured] banned by local bureaucrats from blogging about disgusting school lunches. Internet uproar ensues. Council removes ban and apologizes.

If you thought the Christian puritanical fascism at Liberty University was bad, get a load of Bob Jones University.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Tags: Virginia • Virginia Board of Medicine • abortion clinics • signature strikes • drone attacks • Barack Obama • Obama administration • al-Qaeda • terrorists • Yemen • Scotland • Never Seconds • schools • Martha Payne • Veg • Argyll and Bute Council • Bob Jones University • Christians • Christianism • Christianists • purity • fascism • public relations • student handbooks

Stewart bashes Obama and media over drone leaks

Jon Stewart on The Daily Show has been one of the few consistently excellent critics of the Obama administration’s penchant for barely restrained warmongering. Last night was no different, as he not only took the President’s office to task for their blatantly unlawful and revisionist approach to blowing up civilians (and later relabeling them as “militants”), but also typically obfuscatory Congresscritters for getting all upset that someone would dare leak information about the secret extrajudicial drone assassination program, rather than focusing on the fact that the administration is actually running a secret extrajudicial drone assassination program:

Non-US readers: Click here to learn how to enable Comedy Central videos

My transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

JON STEWART: Earlier in the program, we were discussing the amount of sometimes personally humiliating things that you have to do to raise money if you wanna be President of the United States. The question is, why? Why would someone put themselves through that? Well, pretty good to be the President. Room and board, free travel, all the podiums you can stand at – and some other perks.

CNN’S JOHN KING [05/29/12]: The New York Times reports that the President has given himself the final word in a top-secret nominating process to place terror suspects on a kill list.

[…]

KING: President Obama is intimately involved in the discussions of suspected terrorists and the decision over who dies next.

STEWART: Obama has a kill list? I’m assuming it goes along with a marry list and a [fuck] list and this is all – it’s just one big mistake, it’s a confusion – “Oh, uh, Osama bin Laden, Kate Upton and Michelle! That’s an easy one! I got that one.”

But with a kill list, how do we make sure we’re minimizing any sort of non-supposed-to-be-killed-related kills?

JAY CARNEY [05/30/12]: We have at our disposal tools that … make avoidance of civilian casualties … much easier.

STEWART: Phew! Guess the drones are probably doing, like, biometric readings and instantaneously cross-referencing databases of known criminals and – that’s probably how we do it, I would … guess.

MALE REPORTER 1 [05/30/12]: President Obama has ordered that all military-age males killed within range of a drone strike be counted as enemy combatants.

STEWART: … Or we could just change the meaning of words. That’s another way. You could just change the meaning of the word ‘civilians’ and maybe any females that we end up killing, uh … they’re not women – they’re ninjas.

Look – if the President can just change the meaning of words, why can’t the rest of us? Hey, you know what?

[Stewart takes out a glass of marijuana.]

STEWART: You don’t have to worry about decriminalizing pot! From now on, I’m just gonna call it “smokeable beer”. Now it’s legal! Woo-hoo!

Please tell me people are upset about this?

MALE REPORTER 2 [06/10/12]: Anger on Capitol Hill is mounting.

FEMALE REPORTER [06/10/12]: Lawmakers in both parties are calling for Congressional hearings on the matter.

SEN. JOHN McCAIN (R-AZ) [06/07/12]: There should be an investigation, and I think it cries out for special counsel.

SEN. DIANNE FEINSTEIN (D-CA) [06/06/12]: It’s very, very disturbing.

STEWART: Yes. Finally, bipartisan agreement on something important. I’m often [?], but are we sacrificing our values? That is what’s … upsetting everybody, right?

SHEPARD SMITH [06/07/12]: Somebody is leaking secret national security intelligence to the public.

SEN. MCCAIN [06/10/12]: These leaks have to stop.

REP. DUTCH RUPPERSBERGER (D-MD) [06/08/12]: This is one of the most serious breaches in the last couple of articles that’ve come out that I have seen.

REP. PETER KING (R-NY) [06/10/12]: This is the most shameful cascade of leaks I’ve ever heard or seen in government.

SEN. FEINSTEIN: An avalanche of leaks. […] People just talk too much>.

STEWART: That’s what you’re upset about? “IT IS AN INCONCEIVABLE BREACH OF UNIVERSAL HUMAN RIGHTS! … to tell us about the kill list! The President’s killing people with flying robots, and you should not know that!”

MALE REPORTER 2 [06/10/12]: The big question: Was anyone in the administration responsible, and if so, did they do it for political reasons?

SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM (R-SC) [06/07/12]: We’ve had three leaks of intelligence that paint the President as a strong leader.

SEN. MCCAIN [06/10/12]: The only conceivable motive for such damaging and compromising leaks of classified information is that it makes the President look good.

STEWART: [Motherfucker’s killing people with flying robots!] Are you redefining the word ‘good’ as well? Here’s a leak that would make him look good: “Ooh, the President has a secret program to answer every child’s letter to Santa Claus.” Like that! “The President keeps a classified list of things he loves about his family.” “I just heard from an anonymous source that the President fights crime at night as Batman.” Like that! That makes him look good!

Of course, the President has defended his administration … the only way he knows how.

PRES. BARACK OBAMA [06/08/12]: If we can root out folks who have leaked, they will suffer consequences.

[Stewart panics and runs away.]

You know we’ve officially entered Bizarro World when news breaks that a sitting U.S. President has thrown out the Constitution and secretly declared himself judge, jury and executioner in order to bomb countless innocent brown people overseas with absolute impunity … and it’s the leakers who are accused of wrongdoing.

Edit (06/14/12 7:27 PM) – Added transcript and replaced “typically lapdog media” with the more accurate “typically obfuscatory Congresscritters”.

Tags: Jon Stewart • The Daily Show • Barack Obama • Obama administration • terrorists • militants • drone attacks

Colbert takes on Obama’s secret kill list

There’s been a lot of buzz surrounding the apparent revelation that President Obama and his administration preside over a secret “kill list” of alleged terrorists to wipe out without any hint of due process. (And I say “apparent” because it’s only news to anyone who hasn’t been paying any attention these last few years.) The good news is that word is getting around, and The Colbert Report did a typically amusing yet incisive segment on it:

Non-US readers: Click here to learn how to enable Comedy Central videos

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

STEPHEN COLBERT: Now, folks, we all know that Barack Obama has been working hard to kill our economy. But it turns out there’s something he’s working even harder to kill.

FOX NEWS ANCHOR 1 [05/29/12]: Another senior al-Qaeda taken out.

FOX NEWS ANCHOR 2 [05/29/12]: Al-Qaeda’s number two in Afghanistan has been killed during a weekend air strike.

COLBERT: That’s right. We took out al-Qaeda’s number two. And it’s not the first time. In 2011, 2008 and 2006, we also took out al-Qaeda’s number twos. Right now, that must be kind of a tough position to fill. “A promotion to number two? Oh, Mr. Al-Zawahiri, I’m flattered … but I promised I’d coach my son’s buzkashi team and it’s my turn to bring the headless goat carcass.”

Now, al-Qaeda operatives aren’t just afraid to move up. They’re afraid to look up, because Obama has carried out more than five times as many covert drone strikes as George Bush. So what’s behind the President’s righteous kill spree? Could it be he’s just gunning for another Nobel Peace Prize? (Good luck, sir.) Or, could it be moral authority?

You see, the President campaigned on the promise that he would shut down the prison at Guantanamo Bay, but that turned out to be real hard. So, rather than sending prisoners to Gitmo, he is taking the high road by sending them to their maker. As The New York Times puts it, “Mr. Obama has avoided the complications of detention by deciding […] to take no prisoners alive.”.

It’s brilliant! He doesn’t have to worry about habeas corpus, because after a drone strike, sometimes you can’t even find the corpus. The only problem is occasionally, our drones kill civilians. But you know what they say: To make an omelet, you’ve gotta kill a few civilians.

---

COLBERT: Unfortunately, killing civilians hurts America’s moral standing. But the administration has a solution, and it’s the subject of tonight’s Word: Two Birds with One Drone.

Folks, to make sure only terrorists are killed, the White House has set rigorous standards for who gets targeted. As counterterrorism advisor John Brennan explained: “We only authorize a particular operation against a specific individual if we have a high degree of confidence that the individual being targeted is indeed the terrorist we are pursuing. […] This is a very high bar.”

Yes; it is comforting to know that the administration has set the bar at the high level of “killing the right person”.

NOTE: “Higher Standard Than Texas”

COLBERT: But folks, here is how the President picks who he will kill.

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER [05/29/12]: He sits there with what they call the “baseball cards”, and he chooses who lives and who dies.

COLBERT: Yes; Obama gets “baseball cards” with pictures and stats on suspected terrorists – and, of course, a stick of stale gum, which he gives to Biden. Eventually, the process must work, because “a senior administration official said that the number of civilians killed in drone strikes in Pakistan under Mr. Obama was in the ‘single digits’”. That’s impressive, because those bombs are huge.

NOTE: “Not "John Carter" Huge, But Still”

And the administration has developed a brilliant system for ensuring that those building-engulfing explosions don’t kill non-combatants. They just count “all military-age males in a strike zone as combatants”. They reason that al-Qaeda is an isolated fanatical group, so anyone with them is probably al-Qaeda, the same way that anyone at Comic-Con is probably a virgin.

NOTE: “Saving Themselves For Buffy”

COLBERT: Now, folks, this isn’t just the President executing innocent people around the world by fiat. There is an appeals process: The men are considered terrorists “unless there is explicit intelligence posthumously proving them innocent”. In which case, I assume, there is a legal process that un-kills them.

NOTE: “Ali, Ali, Oxen Free!”

COLBERT: Now, best of all, keeping civilian casualties down by saying that civilians don’t really exist could solve the President’s Gitmo problem once and for all. Because you know what that place is full of?

NOTE: “(Redacted)”

COLBERT: It is full of known terrorists. He should shut that place down with some drone strikes.

NOTE: “Guanta-no-mo’”

COLBERT: Now, of course, that might take out some guards, but using the President’s own standard, they are “military-age males” spending time with terrorists. They must be guilty of something. And if we just keep using logic like that, none of us have to feel guilty about anything. And that’s the Word.

Tags: Stephen Colbert • The Colbert Report • Barack Obama • kill lists • militants • terrorists • due process

Daily Blend: Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Pres. Barack Obama

Nobel Peace Prize laureate and “leader of the free world” ^[pictured] declares that “all military-age males in a strike zone” are “militants” and can be slaughtered with impunity. I’ve been gradually souring on the President for a long time, but this is just sick. Even Bush & Cheney were never this brazen about their bloodlust.

Ed Brayton provides some clarification – and mild reassurance – about the recent Gallup poll about abortion rights attitudes.

Some hope for Oklahoma as the state legislature shitcans three Creationist and anti-global warming education bills.
(via @BadAstronomer)

WorldNetDaily “exclusive”: Kooks declare that “miracles” in Men in Black 3 make the case for Creationism!
(via Joe. My. God.)

Great write-up about the decline and refitting of churches in Québec, Canada.

Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham to star in upcoming TV series, while Clarice Starling gets slotted on Lifetime (blech). I am perplexed.
(via Fark)

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Daily Blend: Thursday, May 03, 2012

Gov. Nathan Deal (R-GA)

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (R) ^[pictured] signs “fetal pain” bill banning most abortions after 20 weeks into law.

FBI heroically stops yet another of its own terrorist plots: Anarchists edition.

The ridiculously mundane origins of five famous urban legends.

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Tags: Nathan Deal • Georgia • fetal pain • Federal Bureau of Investigations • FBI • terrorists • anarchists • Cracked.com • urban legends • myths • Illuminati • Nesta Webster • the grays • aliens • Betty Hill • Barney Hill • alien abductions • El Chupacabra • Species • El Dorado • conquistadors • Paul is Dead • The Beatles • Paul McCartney • Tim Harper

Stewart slams Republicans for politicization hypocrisy

There’s been some buzz over President Obama’s latest campaign ad, which boasts about killing Osama bin Laden and casts doubt over whether Mitt Romney would’ve ordered the ultimately successful hit. But as mildly irksome as it may be to see the Obama campaign stooping to Republican levels of insinuous braggadocio, it’s absolutely breathtaking to see all the Right-wingers crawl out of the woodwork and attack Obama for “politicizing terrorism”. Them balls could sink an island.

Jon Stewart at The Daily Show takes it away (parts 1 & 2):

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My transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

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PART 1/2: “Victory Lapse”

STEWART: Many of you may already know this: Today is a special day. It’s the one-year anniversary of the death of Osama bin Laden. Just twelve months ago, parents across the country had to suddenly explain to their children why they had just shouted at the TV, ‘[FUCK] YEAH! OH! AMERICA!’

The death of bin Laden was the first event since 9/11 that really brought us all together, which, of course, is why one year later, this ad, touting Obama’s steadfast and presidential leadership during the raid whilst subtly questioning his opponent’s judgment – hmmm – that ad is tearing us apart!

SEAN HANNITY [04/30/12]: As we all know, this administration is not above politicizing any issue for personal gain.

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R-AZ) [05/01/12]: Politicizing an event that all Americans applauded enormously.

REP. MICHAEL TURNER (R-OH): It’s deplorable to politicize this.

JONAH GOLDBERG: The President of the United States, who said he wasn’t gonna spike the football and all this, we shouldn’t gloat about it, running campaign ads gloating about it.

STEWART: Waah. Waaaaah. So, let me get this straight: Republicans, you’re annoyed by the arrogance and braggadocio of a wartime president’s political ad? You think divisively and unfairly belittling his opponent? I see. I have a question: Are you on crack?! Were you alive, lo, these past ten years? It seems unseemly for the President to spike the football? Bush landed on a [fucking] aircraft carrier with a football-stuffed codpiece! He spiked the football before the game had even started!

Yes, your Republican caterwauling outrage is the subject of our new segment: “You are aware that the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex gives us the ability to store and recall past events as they occurred, right?”

Former Bush 43 advisor and current Romney campaign advisor Ed Gillespie:

ED GILLESPIE [04/29/12]: Took something that was a unifying event for all Americans […] and he’s managed to turn it into a divisive, partisan, political attack.

STEWART: Yeah, that’d be like in 2004, saying something like, “If Kerry had his policies in place today, Saddam Hussein would not only be in Baghdad, he’d be in Kuwait!”

GILLESPIE [02/24/04]: If John Kerry had his policies in place today, Saddam Hussein would not only be in Baghdad, he’d be in Kuwait.

STEWART: Oh my gosh! Blurry Ed Gillespie is divisive and partisan! By the way, Blurry Gillespie – also the name of a great, but lesser heralded, trumpet player. Nobody ever booked Blurry, just Dizzy.

And there’s more!

GILLESPIE [04/29/12]: It’s the attack that, you know, Governor Romney wouldn’t have done it. […] You don’t see – you know, you see in the Bush ad, saying, “You know, he’s a strong leader.” You don’t see him saying, “That guy would’ve done something different.”

STEWART: Yes, yes, the Democrats have taken past Romney’s statements and used them to project how a hypothetical President Romney would act. It’s so devious of Democrats to steal that tactic. Cerebral cortex – activate!

2004 BUSH POLITICAL AD: Now, Kerry says, we have to get back to the place where terrorists are a “nuisance”, like “gambling” and “prostitution”. How can Kerry protect us when he doesn’t understand the threat?

PRES. GEORGE W. BUSH (V.O.): I’m George W. Bush, and I approve this message.

STEWART: No! No! Actually, in hindsight, according to Gillespie, you don’t approve of that message! You think it’s divisive and partisan. The guy just said that.

PART 2/2: “Victory Lapse - The Anniversary of Osama bin Laden's Death”

STEWART: But there are other troubling aspects to this anniversary.

MARTHA MacCALLUM [05/01/12]: One might expect that the President would say, y’know, “Great day, great job on behalf of those Navy SEALs, of course.”

GEORGE PATAKI (R): I would do what a leader is supposed to do, and that is give credit to others, and particularly, give credit to those who are out there on the front line.

STEWART: Yes, some “thank you”s. That is troubling. Why can’t Obama just say something like this?

PRES. BARACK OBAMA [05/01/11]: I give thanks for the men who carried out this operation.

OBAMA [09/10/11]: Thanks to the remarkable courage and precision of our forces.

OBAMA [06/22/11]: Thanks to our intelligence professionals and special forces.

OBAMA [01/24/12]: The pilot who landed the helicopter […] the translator […] the troops […] the SEALs.

OBAMA [06/22/11]: We killed Osama bin Laden.

STEWART: Really. He honestly, I think, thanked everybody but Harvey Weinstein. I think. Unbelievable!

Now, by the way, in a cacophony of galling Republican forgetfulness – aka Ballsheimer’s – George Pataki stands alone. “Spread the credit around”? “Thank the people who made it all possible”? Here’s George Pataki at the 2004 Republican convention:

PATAKI [09/02/04]: On September 11^th, al-Qaeda attacked again. But this time, they made a terrible mistake. There’s one thing they didn’t bank on. They didn’t bank on George W. Bush! […] He didn’t run from history; he faced it. […] He mobilized our forces and went to Afghanistan. […] George Bush protected our country, and he protects it still.

STEWART: By himself! Because George Bush is Iron Man! That’s just fact!

Now, to be fair, not every conservative’s criticizing Obama for the ad. Some are criticizing him for talking about the ad in front of foreigners.

BRIT HUME [04/30/12]: The Obama team now seems to be trying to magnify the political benefits of the raid with that campaign ad suggestion Mitt Romney might not have ordered it. […] In the rough and tumble of a campaign, such distortions may be commonplace. But for the President himself to do it in the presence of a foreign leader in the White House brings one word to mind: Yuck.

STEWART: By the way, if you enjoyed that, you should check out Brit Hume’s new show, Brit Hume’s One-Word Reviews. [The Hunger Games] Good. [American Reunion] Really? [The Smurfs] Smurf-tastic. [Albert Nobbs] Rawr.

But I get it. I get it, Brit. You can’t [shit] on your opponent at an official function, like greeting a head of state. I’m just curious: Did your cerebral cortex not record this Bush election year gem with Iraqi Prime Minister Allawi?

BUSH [09/21/04]: We agree that the world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell. And that stands in sharp contrast to the statement my opponent made yesterday.

STEWART: Yuck. And there’s plenty more where that came from.

Look, Republicans. Yeah; the Obama ad – kinda [shitty]. Little bit of a cheap shot. But the only reason you’re pissed is that you didn’t get to run it. ’Cause let’s face it: If bin Laden had been killed on Bush’s watch, this would’ve been the add you’re running with:

He was responsible for one of our darkest days. One of the most evil men in history. And I got ’im! That’s right, me, George-W.-bin-Laden-killer Bush! He was all like, “No, please, Mr. President!”, and I was all like, “You’re goin’ down, Texas-style! ’Cause vengeance is a dish best served barbecued. And where was John Kerry? Wind-sailing to Pussy Island! Good thing you got a President with Epcot balls. How’d I know where he was hiding? Reagan told me in a dream. (REAGAN: Well, kill one for the Gipper, George.) Long story short: You’re welcome, America. Take that, beardy! Yeee-haaw! I’m George W. Bush, and I sure as hell approve this message.”

To be fair, most people who vote Republican do appear to have some sort of severe defect in their frontal lobes. Which may actually explain why they vote Republican.

Tags: Jon Stewart • Republicans • The Daily Show • George Bush • Barack Obama • Osama bin Laden • Mitt Romney