Daily Blend: 05/08/13

Sylvia Browne

In case you needed more evidence that “psychics” ^[pictured] are bullshit-peddling vultures.

Vox Day says the whole idea of “warrior women” is totes ridiculous ’cause what woman would stand a chance against a dude, anyway? (Pay absolutely no attention to all these real-life warrior women who became legends for kicking [mostly dude] ass.)

Here’s a collection of 154 common global warming denialist claims and their easy refutations.
(via Pharyngula)

Oh, noes! The awesome Eugenie Scott, scourge of Creationists everywhere as the head of the National Center for Science Education, retires.

And finally, here’s a dog who tries so hard to make that branch into his stick:
(via @radleybalko)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Vox Day vs. “squee”

Vox Day

Little is more amusing than watching some wannabe armchair psychologist try to analyze a given person or phenomenon, particularly through the prism of the Internet, and wind up so far off the mark they need a search & rescue team to find them. That’s probably why I find such enjoyment in reading this lecture by everyone’s favorite übermensch-in-his-own-mind, Theodore “Vox Day” Beale, about how Real Men^TM wouldn’t be caught dead using such a girly term as “squee” in any context, no way, no how:

The binding is not ideological, but socio-sexual. Now, I don't happen to know what "one of Correia's Alphas" might be, but I find it very hard to conceive that Perlhaqr is either a sexual ALPHA as per Roissy or an Alpha Male according to the socio-sexual hierarchy. He might as convincingly attempt to defend his predilection for hair-braiding or high heels. Alphas do not menstruate, they do not use their iPhones to self-shoot in bathrooms, (they seldom have iPhones in the first place), and they most assuredly do not "squee" over anything.

I see we have a newbie, here. Hi, Vox! Welcome to the Internet. TV Tropes shall be your guide.

One can be excited. One can be pumped, jacked, or psyched. One can rejoice, one can enthuse, and one can celebrate. But one can no more be an alpha male and "squee" than one can queef, lactate, or get pregnant. Only gamma males like McRapey, who revel in their perverse delusions, consider it not only fitting, but downright cool, to express themselves in terms that are popularized and primarily utilized by junior high school girls.

Wow, Mean Girls was, like, totes right about how complicated – and very, very bitchy – all this social stuff is. But please, tell me more about how to conform with the the MRA-Approved Manly Vocabulary for Socially Insecure Males:

Should he wish to lower the probability of attractive adult women recoiling in disappointment, disgust and outright horror, Perlhaqr may also wish to consider excising "OMG", "ZOMG", "soooooooo", and "One Direction" from his vocabulary.

You may take our ‘OMG’s and our ‘Biebz Foreverz’s, but you will never take our smileys! =(

Today’s moment of funny was brought to you by the Society for the Preservation of Rigidly Narrow Social Roles and Antiquated Norms. (You’re welcome.)

Church Sign of the Day: Lamest adult movie night *ever*

Some Christians really don’t hide their love of snuff, now do they?

(via Joe. My. God.)

Daily Blend: Monday, February 18, 2013

Rhonda McGee

Iowa woman ^[pictured] “arrested and charged with intent to manufacture [crystal] meth” after buying cold medicine for her allergies – without even violating legal limits.
(via @radleybalko)

In case you somehow missed it, Phil Plait has breathless coverage of last Friday’s spectacular Russian meteoric fireball, along with a reassurance that no, the Universe is not out to get us lately (any more than usual, that is).

The Heartland Institute: Still a bunch of lyin’ liars about climate change.
(via @BadAstronomer)

And finally, here be morans. (To be fair, the handrail looks like it broke and slid askew rather than got installed that way.)
(via @RichardWiseman; RT: @pzmyers)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Tuesday, January 29, 2013

[full size (584×764)]

Good: Federal judge stops DEA’s attempt to seize a rural Massachusetts motel after a few guests there committed crimes without the motel owner’s knowledge. ^[pictured]
(via Uzza)

PZ Myers handily dismantles the tired anti-abortionist claim that science proves that personhood begins at conception.

Meanwhile, the anti-abortion fetal “heartbeat bill” makes it to Arkansas.

Creeping Creationism in Missouri.

Ray Comfort: Surgeons can’t reconstruct chimp attack victim’s face, ergo, Evolution is dummy-dumb-dumb.

I’m 96% humanist! Take that, 2009 Humanist of the Year PZ Myers and your paltry 90%!

And finally, here’s a bunch of Christians I could have a drink with (if I drank):
(via Joe. My. God.)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Sunday, January 20, 2013

Phil Plait

Phil Plait ^[pictured] explains the many problems with education vouchers: They’re basically thinly veiled attempts at inflicting anti-science garbage upon impressionable young minds.

Isn’t it interesting how those who try to tarnish scientists’ credibility always end up destroying their own instead?
(via @BadAstronomer)

Difference between Islamist extremists and anti-feminist cranks: The former throw acid in women’s faces, while the latter just joke about it. (To his quasi-credit, Conlon later apologized.)
(via Pharyngula)

And finally, here’s why the Oxford comma isn’t all bad:
(via @normative; RT: @radleybalko)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Someone get the MythBusters on this pronto

Testing the limits of Pavlovian conditioning:

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

We see a subwoofer next to a bread-crumb dispenser with local wildlife nearby.

“Every few hours, subwoofer plays throbbing bass for 10 seconds… / …then bread crumbs are dispensed into box”

Caption: “Protip: Leave this device in your yard for a week, then watch as the problem of loud music from passing cars solves itself.”

Don’t miss the (atheist-certified!) hover text.

2012 in Crazy: A reality-biased recapitulation

It’s the most wonderful time of the year … when This Modern World’s Tom Tomorrow releases his annual recap of all things stupid, ignorant and downright crazy:

Daily Blend: Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Busy reading, so have an early Daily Blend for today.

I am shocked – shocked! – to learn that the anti-feminist/Atheism Plus/Freethought Blogs camp doesn’t actually have any good arguments.

Study: West Antarctica is warming up twice as fast as predicted and at thrice the planetary average rate.
(via ThinkProgess)

White House website petition to label Westboro Baptist Church a “hate group” is the most popular ever. Only problem: No such designation exists under any U.S. law.
(via @BuzzFeedAndrew)

And finally, here’s one particularly creepy ritual put into perspective:

Don’t forget the hover text! [‘Communion’ | xkcd (by Randall Munroe)]

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Colbert tackles the “war on men”

I couldn’t possibly avoid posting Stephen Colbert’s take on that stupid Fox News column about a supposed “war on men” by Suzanne Venker (niece to anti-feminist nut Phyllis Schlafly), now could I? From last night’s Colbert Report:

Non-U.S. readers: Click here to learn how to enable Comedy Central videos (Firefox only)

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

STEPHEN COLBERT: Nation, there is a war on traditional marriage in this country. Did you know that many of those brides and grooms on the top of wedding cakes aren’t legally married? [to picture of wedding cake toppers] You’re frosting in sin!

Now the threat to traditional marriage is coming from inside the couple.

FOX NEWS HOST: The importance of marriage among women rose nine percentage points from 1997 from 28% to 37%. But those women aren’t finding men to marry, apparently because men are less interested, dropping from 35% to 29%.

COLBERT: Shocking! Women wanna get married more than men do! That’s from the same researchers who found that women tend to scratch their balls less than men. It’s true. Shocking.

These chilling marriage statistics mean there are millions of women who may never walk down the aisle, and that brings us to tonight’s Word: Sisters Are Doing It To Themselves.

Folks, when it comes to matters of the woman, I always turn to one source.

[“• Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.”]

COLBERT: To Fox News. Their website recently addressed why so many women can’t get married. According to Fox contributor Suzanne Venker, it’s all part of the “war on men”. She writes:

I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me […] that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same. Women aren’t women anymore. [— Suzanne Venker, November 26, 2012]

COLBERT: Right, women aren’t women anymore. That right, fellas: Always look for the Adam’s apple. Okay? That’s a pro tip. Then, look for the Adam’s penis. ’Cause you know what they say: Fool me once.

[“• Twice, Actually”]

COLBERT: Now, folks, this hard truth has been attacked in the mainstream media. It evidently ruffled a lot of lady-feathers. At least, I think they have feathers. I’m not sure. A lot of them pluck these days.

[“• No Down Downtown”]

Of course, this thin-skin reaction won’t surprise Venker. In the article, she wrote that:

[…] what if the dearth of good men […] is […] women’s fault? […] since the sexual revolution […] Men haven’t changed much […] but women have changed dramatically. In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive […] [— Suzanne Venker, November 26, 2012]

COLBERT: Women are angry and defensive. You need proof? Go up to any single woman and say, “The reason you’re not married is because you’re angry and defensive.”

[“• Wear A Cup”]

COLBERT: And not only are today’s shrill harpies scaring good-quality men away from marriage, but also making these men deadbeats. Venker says that the rise of women has:

[…] pissed [men] off [and] undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women not compete with them. [— Suzanne Venker, November 26, 2012]

COLBERT: Yeah! Men hate women who compete with them. That’s why it’s so rare for men to be attracted to women in the workplace.

[“• Except On Casual Sex Fridays”]

COLBERT: I mean, what man wants a woman providing the money while he stays home to do, what, witness his child taking its first steps? I’ve seen people walk before, and frankly, babies aren’t that good at it. Men want paperwork! We want a grinding commute, to sit in a cubicle all day long, taking crap from that jerkoff, Rick!

[“• Plus Cake If It’s Someone’s Birthday!”]

COLBERT: Luckily, Venker sees a way to liberate women and men from these liberated women. All the ladies have to do is:

[…] surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs. If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork. [— Suzanne Venker, November 26, 2012]

COLBERT: Yes! Just surrender, and those men will come out of the woodwork like cockroaches in a darkened crab shack.

[“• Is The Cockroach Single?”]

COLBERT: Ladies, you can do more – by doing less. Maybe, stop voting, or stop talking. That’s mysterious. I mean, what’re you girls thinking?

[“• ‘Am I In Saudi Arabia?’”]

COLBERT: Follow Ms. Venker’s advice, and you single gals will finally be able to live out every woman’s wildest dream:

[“• Equal Pay?”]

COLBERT: Marrying a man who doesn’t want you to achieve anything. And as a man on behalf of women everywhere, thank you, Suzanne Venker. I trust you will lead the charge by getting out of the writing business. Clearly, it’s not in your nature.

And that’s the Word. We’ll be right back.

It’s almost curious how telling women that they’re angry and defensive seems to make them all, well, you know. It’s also amusing how these “traditional marriage” advocates are going all verklempt over a mere 6% drop in the number of men who want to get married, considering how their own numbers showed that only a third of men were supposedly interested in wedlock in the first place. I’m not seeing much of a difference, here.

(Personally, I have no desire to get married, largely to avoid the bureaucratic mess, and out of the belief that one doesn’t need a paper from the government to confirm my love for my hypothetical partner. Family history also tells me it makes the quasi-inevitable break-up far easier for all involved. But that’s just me.)

Daily Blend: Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pat Robertson

Fundamentalist coot Pat Robertson ^[pictured] denounces gays Evolution … Young-Earth Creationism? (Don’t worry, his sanity was only temporary.)

For some reason, Irish Catholic bishops seem to think anyone else gives the slightest shit about their benighted views on morality in medicine after the death of Savita Halappanavar.
(via Pharyngula)

And finally, Morgan Freeman still has some unanswered questions:
(via Bad Astronomy)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Thursday, November 15, 2012

Nate Silver

Apologies for the third link dump in a row; blogging fodder’s running a little low.

Freedom from Religion Foundation sues the IRS for failing to respond to all those tax-exemption-flaunting churches. Eventual next step: Eliminating religious tax exemptions altogether.

Nate Silver [pictured]: Brilliant with statistical analysis, apparently not-so-brilliant with climate science.
(via @BadAstronomer)

Oh noes – Ed Brayton from Dispatches from the Culture Wars has a (hilariously incompetent) stalker! (Be sure to read the comments for further, equally entertaining, updates.)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Headline of the day: Better than an anti-science legislator

From former Rep. Paul Broun’s (R-GA) district:

(Gawker)

Others include “ANY IDIOT IS BETTER”, “CTHULHU”, “THE GREAT PUMPKIN”, as well as those two incorrigibles, “ALBUS DUMBLEDORE” and “VOLDEMORT”. Add in the 4,000 who wrote in for “Charles Darwin” and my opinion of the voting masses is suddenly just a bit higher.

(via @radleybalko)

Daily Blend: Saturday, November 03, 2012

Walter White

Must-read: A U.S. historian explains in cogent and fascinating detail why he won’t be voting Republican for the foreseeable future.
(via Political Irony)

MythBusters go Breaking Bad ^[pictured] next spring. I think I just died from crystal-pure glee.

And finally, the “Greatest Generation” has a message about the election ^{[NSFW language]}:

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

Enter the Rosebud Nursing Home.

TITLE: A MESSAGE FROM THE GREATEST GENERATION

MARIE (97): I was born in 1915 during World War I. My first vote was in 1940 for Franklin D. Roosevelt, and I have not missed an election since. And I want the Republican Party to know: If your voter suppression throughout this beautiful country enables Romney to oust Barack Obama, we will burn this motherfucker down.

ELDERLY HISPANIC MAN: Sí se puede. (“Yes we can.”)

DOROTHI (75): I have four generations of family on this Earth and my life has been very blessed. And if the Republicans steal this election, I’m gonna track down Mitt Romney and give him the world’s biggest cock-punch! … What’s the matter, sonny? You never heard that phrase, “cock-punch”? Haha … Right in the nut-sack.

JOHN (85): I served during World War II. I’m the last of my buddies still here. And I’ve got a message for kids, Democrats, for anyone who cares about honest elections: If you let the Republicans do this to you again, after we die, we’re gonna look down on you from Heaven and we’re gonna make a point of watching you have sex every time.

Dorothi raises her binoculars with a vindictive grin.

JOHN (CONT’D): No matter how kinky!

MARIE: Especially if we’re related.

JOHN: The best way to stop the GOP from stealing the election is to make sure it isn’t even close. Go to votersrising.org.

ALL: Sign up and [?] the vote!

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Daily Blend: Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Dinesh D’Souza

It’s hilarious infighting time as one misogynistic cesspit attacks another! I’ll get the popcorn.

Daily Caller writer really doesn’t like all we humorless, egomaniacal atheists and our civilization-saving ways.

The Illinois Family Institute is aghast that a local school district wants to help makes things better for “perverse”, “anarchist” trans students.

Today’s “family values” sex scandal: Obama conspiracy-monger Dinesh D’Souza ^[pictured] caught trying to divorce his wife in favor of his much-younger “fiancée”.
(via Dispatches from the Culture Wars)

Anti-gay lunatic Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (R-MN) lesbian sister speaks out.
(via Dispatches from the Culture Wars)

And finally, we at last get the details on the Romney/Ryan tax plan.
(via Joe. My. God.)

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

(Onion) Headline of the Day: More sad results of Islamist unrest

Oh, noes!

(The Onion)

(via The Agitator)

Tags: The Almighty Muhammad's Porkalicious Toon Jihad • The Onion • Muhammad • Islam • Muslims

‘The Daily Show’ presents this true Mitt Romney biography

Apologies for the laziness-and-disinterest-induced lack of blogging. In a totally-not-at-all-half-assed attempt to make up for it, have this awesome, Leonard-Nimoy-narrated Daily Show biography of everyone’s favorite corporate robot who thought it could, Mitt Romney:

Non-U.S. readers: Click here to learn how to enable Comedy Central videos (Firefox only)

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

JON STEWART: Tonight, right before Mitt Romney’s acceptance speech, conventioneers are going to, as always, be exposed – I mean, treated – to a brief biographical film about the nominee. Now, you may not have seen it. Luckily, we have received an advance … copy of said film, and as a public service, we would like to show you Mitt Romney’s biographical film shown at the convention.

NARRATOR (LEONARD NIMOY): This year, the American people face a choice between a self-made businessman …

MITT ROMNEY: I know how extraordinarily difficult it is to build something from nothing.

NARRATOR: … and a radical collectivist who says things like …

PRES. OBAMA: [famously quote-mined] If you got a business – you didn’t build that.

NARRATOR: … and this:

[Montage of rapidly edited Obama quotes]

OBAMA: I – was not – born – in this country – and I am – the leader of al-Qaeda.

NARRATOR: This is the story of Mitt Romney: A Human Being Who Built That.

TITLE: SELF-STARTER

NARRATOR: George W. Romney was a wealthy auto executive and future Michigan governor. But being born his son was anything but luck. Willard Mitt Romney won his position only by out-competing thousands of less motivated sperm.

[Dramatization: Sperm race to the ovule, and sperm “Mitt” wins against sperms “Welfare Cheat”, “Teacher”, “Bureaucrat” and “Polio Kid”.]

NARRATOR: And though, when he was a teenager, the Romney family was, for a time, forced to take shelter in public housing [photo: luxurious Michigan Governor’s Mansion], young Mitt refused on principle to take taxpayer money for his schooling [photo: Cranbrook Kingswood School (private)], instead convincing a local businessman [photo: George Romney (with college-age Mitt)] to invest in his future.

And then, Vietnam. Romney volunteered to serve – in France. [New York Times: “Mr. Romney got a student deferment … a Mormon mission in France.” [11/05/07]] A Mormon missionary bravely fighting the French people’s love of wine. It was a quagmire. Sometimes, at night, he feels he’s still there.

MITT ROMNEY: Bonjour, je m’appelle Mitt Romney. [Hello, my name is Mitt Romney.]

NARRATOR: Back stateside, the handsome, connected young bucked the odds, gaining admission to Harvard, refusing on principle to pay for school with taxpayer money, but instead, with his own hard-earned stock given to him by a local businessman. [photo: George Romney (with college-age Mitt)]

TITLE: THE MATING SEQUENCE

NARRATOR: Her name was Ann Davies, and the moment Mitt saw her, he knew he was totally [?]. She was female, the ideal gender for a wife. They wed according to human custom, and then, merging their private sectors, produced five male offspring: Tagg, Craig, Blig, Marble, and Flapjack.

TITLE: THE BOOTSTRAPPER

NARRATOR: Armed only with Ivy League business and law degrees, and the Rolodex of a local businessman [photo: George Romney (with college-age Mitt)], Mitt Romney trailblazed his way to a pioneering new Boston firm [Sign: Billionaires Against Income-tax Nuisance (BAIN) & Company, Inc.], where he learned how to secrete money. From there, it was a series of personal triumphs, from single-handedly saving the 2001 Winter Salt Lake Olympics [Sports Illustrated: “$1.5 billion in taxpayer dollars that Congress is pouring into Utah” [12/10/01]] to electing himself Governor of Massachusetts.

TITLE: FINAL FRONTIER

NARRATOR: But, there was still one thing left for Mitt Romney to build: a presidency. As the elite, East Coast, Harvard-educated creator of Romneycare started to run in the most conservative Republican field in history, Romney realized the terrible truth:

MITT ROMNEY [2002]: I’m someone who is moderate, and my views are progressive.

MITT ROMNEY [2002]: I will preserve and protect a woman’s right to choose.

MITT ROMNEY [2008]: We also should keep weapons of unusual lethality from being on the street.

NARRATOR: He had billed himself the wrong way. It would take a monumental feat of self-reconstruction [background montage: dramatized robotic reconstruction], seven years …

MITT ROMNEY [2011]: I’m firmly pro-life.

NARRATOR: 122 billion dollars …

MITT ROMNEY [2012]: I don’t happen to believe that America needs new gun laws.

NARRATOR: … round-the-clock operations across 14 timezones, until finally:

MITT ROMNEY [2012]: I was a severely conservative Republican governor.

NARRATOR: Mitt Romney had done it – [to the tune of Celine Dion’s ‘All By Myself’] All by himself / Mitt Romney did it / All by himself …

Mitt Romney: He’s a Human Being and He Built That.

Doesn’t everyone have a generous local businessman they can curry favors from?

Tags: Mitt Romney • George Romney • Leonard Nimoy • The Daily Show • Jon Stewart

Daily Blend: Friday, August 31, 2012

Clint Eastwood

Ten-year-old Maine babysitting girl and her mother charged with manslaughter over baby’s accidental death.
(via @thedailybeast; RT: @radleybalko)

Wonkette presents the best summary of the Clint-Eastwood-berates-an-empty-chair ^[pictured] spectacle. I still love him and his movies, dammit.

And finally, it seems that Ray Comfort is running out of ways to deliver his “Darwinism leads to Hell!” mulch.

If you have any story suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments or send them in.

Tags: Brooklyn Foss-Greenaway • Nicole Greenaway • manslaughter • Clint Eastwood • Republican National Convention • Barack Obama • Republicans • Mitt Romney • Ray Comfort • Theory of Evolution • Charles Darwin • Darwinism • Hell • Christianity

How ‘The Dark Knight’ should have ended

And I thought Christopher Nolan’s third and final Batman film was so perfect. How very and surprisingly wrong I was (oh, and spoiler alert):

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

[−]

BATMAN: [to Catwoman] Hey, Miss Kyle. You wanna know my … secret identity?

CATWOMAN: Is it Bruce Wayne?

BATMAN: [flustered] How does everybody know about –?! [clears throat] I mean … maybe.

Intro: “HISHE” with Dark Knight Rises-style ice cracks in shape of Bat symbol.

BATMAN: [tricked by Catwoman into confronting Bane] You just made … a serious mistake.

BANE: Not as serious as yours, I fear.

BATMAN: Bane.

BANE: Let’s not stand on ceremony here, Mr. Wayne.

BATMAN: Sounds good to me!

Batman blows a poison dart reading “KNIGHT KNIGHT” into Bane’s neck. Bane picks it out, surprised.

BANE: Oh, what’s this? Sleeping agents?

BATMAN: Yeah. I was gonna save it for later … then I thought … now’s good.

BANE: You’ll have to do better than – [is suddenly peppered by two dozen darts] Ooh, okay, that should do it …! [Collapses.]

---

Officer John Blake and another cop are talking with Commissioner James Gordon in his hospital room.

BLAKE: Bane’s hiding in the tunnels.

GORDON: Then get every cop in the city down there now! Off-duty, on-duty, I don’t care; no matter what they’re doing, gather them up and march them underground and smoke ’em out!

BLAKE: I … don’t think that’s such a good idea, sir. I mean, what if something happened? We’d have, like, zero cops left.

GORDON: Holy cow, you’re right! I think these drugs have me talking crazy. Maybe just, uh, block all the exits and send in, like, a SWAT team to smoke ’em out. Good call. Here, have some [?].

---

Bane & co. are forcing Lucius Fox to activate the underground fusion reactor.

FOX: Okay, I’ll just scan my hand here …

Fox touches the control panel. Immediately, it flashes red and an alarm rings out. Water crashes in behind them.

FOX: Whoops! I seem to have activated the emergency flood chambers. I suppose this will put a hiccup in whatever plans you have with stealing the reactor, wouldn’t it? I do apologize.

Bane and the others flee as the water rises.

FOX: Well, get busy swimming or get busy dying. [dives underwater]

---

Climax: Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul is dying in the crashed truck.

TATE: Prepare yourselves. My father’s work is done.

Tate dies.

GORDON: Worst. Death. Ever.

BATMAN: [despite being stabbed; re: the bomb] I can get it out over the bay!

CATWOMAN: Are you crazy? You are bleeding all over the place.

BATMAN: Yeah, I’ve been stabbed. I might be bleeding out. But it’s okay, because … because I’m Batman –! [collapses]

GORDON: Well, poop. Guess this means we’re screwed.

The bomb explodes, killing them all.

---

Alfred Pennyworth is sitting at the restaurant terrace in Venice. He looks over, and smiles when he sees Bruce Wayne sitting at a nearby table with Selina Kyle. Bruce smiles back. Suddenly, Clark Kent leans in, waving his hand.

KENT: Hi, Alfred!

Alfred keeps smiling.

KENT: Sorry Bruce made you cry.

---

Superman and Batman are sitting in a restaurant.

SUPERMAN: I still can’t get over how no important Gotham characters died in that story.

BATMAN: I know. Pretty awesome.

SUPERMAN: I mean, like, nobody. Even you.

BATMAN: Even me.

SUPERMAN: You had your back broken, your heart broken, your bank account even broken. You even got stabbed, dude!

BATMAN: Yep.

SUPERMAN: How are you still breathing right now? Never mind. [Batman inhales] I already know what you’re gonna say …

BATMAN: Because I’m Batman!

SUPERMAN: [glumly] Walked right into that one.

BATMAN: Yes, you did.

(via @jakiking)

Tags: The Dark Knight Rises • Batman • Catwoman • Selena Kyle • Bane • How It Should Have Ended • Lucius Fox • John Blake • Robin • Superman • Bruce Wayne • Clark Kent

God must be one embarrassed deity

Is this what they mean by “the harder the fall”?:

[unsourced]

Then again, one could argue that a more empirically accurate graph would feature naught but a flat line at “zero”.

(via Pharyngula)

Tags: God • Yahweh • Christianity • Bible • Old Testament • New Testament