How ‘The Dark Knight’ should have ended

And I thought Christopher Nolan’s third and final Batman film was so perfect. How very and surprisingly wrong I was (oh, and spoiler alert):

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

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BATMAN: [to Catwoman] Hey, Miss Kyle. You wanna know my … secret identity?

CATWOMAN: Is it Bruce Wayne?

BATMAN: [flustered] How does everybody know about –?! [clears throat] I mean … maybe.

Intro: “HISHE” with Dark Knight Rises-style ice cracks in shape of Bat symbol.

BATMAN: [tricked by Catwoman into confronting Bane] You just made … a serious mistake.

BANE: Not as serious as yours, I fear.

BATMAN: Bane.

BANE: Let’s not stand on ceremony here, Mr. Wayne.

BATMAN: Sounds good to me!

Batman blows a poison dart reading “KNIGHT KNIGHT” into Bane’s neck. Bane picks it out, surprised.

BANE: Oh, what’s this? Sleeping agents?

BATMAN: Yeah. I was gonna save it for later … then I thought … now’s good.

BANE: You’ll have to do better than – [is suddenly peppered by two dozen darts] Ooh, okay, that should do it …! [Collapses.]

---

Officer John Blake and another cop are talking with Commissioner James Gordon in his hospital room.

BLAKE: Bane’s hiding in the tunnels.

GORDON: Then get every cop in the city down there now! Off-duty, on-duty, I don’t care; no matter what they’re doing, gather them up and march them underground and smoke ’em out!

BLAKE: I … don’t think that’s such a good idea, sir. I mean, what if something happened? We’d have, like, zero cops left.

GORDON: Holy cow, you’re right! I think these drugs have me talking crazy. Maybe just, uh, block all the exits and send in, like, a SWAT team to smoke ’em out. Good call. Here, have some [?].

---

Bane & co. are forcing Lucius Fox to activate the underground fusion reactor.

FOX: Okay, I’ll just scan my hand here …

Fox touches the control panel. Immediately, it flashes red and an alarm rings out. Water crashes in behind them.

FOX: Whoops! I seem to have activated the emergency flood chambers. I suppose this will put a hiccup in whatever plans you have with stealing the reactor, wouldn’t it? I do apologize.

Bane and the others flee as the water rises.

FOX: Well, get busy swimming or get busy dying. [dives underwater]

---

Climax: Miranda Tate/Talia al Ghul is dying in the crashed truck.

TATE: Prepare yourselves. My father’s work is done.

Tate dies.

GORDON: Worst. Death. Ever.

BATMAN: [despite being stabbed; re: the bomb] I can get it out over the bay!

CATWOMAN: Are you crazy? You are bleeding all over the place.

BATMAN: Yeah, I’ve been stabbed. I might be bleeding out. But it’s okay, because … because I’m Batman –! [collapses]

GORDON: Well, poop. Guess this means we’re screwed.

The bomb explodes, killing them all.

---

Alfred Pennyworth is sitting at the restaurant terrace in Venice. He looks over, and smiles when he sees Bruce Wayne sitting at a nearby table with Selina Kyle. Bruce smiles back. Suddenly, Clark Kent leans in, waving his hand.

KENT: Hi, Alfred!

Alfred keeps smiling.

KENT: Sorry Bruce made you cry.

---

Superman and Batman are sitting in a restaurant.

SUPERMAN: I still can’t get over how no important Gotham characters died in that story.

BATMAN: I know. Pretty awesome.

SUPERMAN: I mean, like, nobody. Even you.

BATMAN: Even me.

SUPERMAN: You had your back broken, your heart broken, your bank account even broken. You even got stabbed, dude!

BATMAN: Yep.

SUPERMAN: How are you still breathing right now? Never mind. [Batman inhales] I already know what you’re gonna say …

BATMAN: Because I’m Batman!

SUPERMAN: [glumly] Walked right into that one.

BATMAN: Yes, you did.

(via @jakiking)

Tags: The Dark Knight Rises • Batman • Catwoman • Selena Kyle • Bane • How It Should Have Ended • Lucius Fox • John Blake • Robin • Superman • Bruce Wayne • Clark Kent