Naked Coffee Guy found guilty of being like a murderin’ bank robber

You may remember Erick Williamson (known not-too-flatteringly as “Naked Coffee Guy”), the Fairfax County, Virginia man who was “busted” on October 19 for the injurious crime of … being naked in his own kitchen, at the crack of dawn, making coffee, after being glimpsed at through a window by a woman and her little boy who were walking across his lawn. This ordeal is so full of nonsense, it bypasses ridiculousness and lands in the “painfully stupid” pile. First, anyone can be as naked as they fucking want in their home without having to worry about prudish passers-by out in the streets. It’s not Williamson was perversely exposing himself; he was just in his home before the sun had even risen outside, minding his own business. Also, he was only “caught in the act” because the pearl-clutching woman was trespassing across his lawn, which is a crime all in itself (though this fact is curiously being overlooked). He did nothing wrong, and certainly doesn’t deserve to be convicted of any crime.

Except that, he was, as he was found guilty of “indecent exposure” last Friday. As though he got his rocks off by presenting himself in all his natural glory to passers-by, including 7-year-old kids. Or as though he thought anyone would be trespassing across his lawn and peering into his home at 6-fucking-30 in the morning.

The Fairfax County man who was arrested for being naked -- in his home -- was found guilty Friday of indecent exposure, but the judge did not fine him or sentence him to jail.

Erick Williamson, 29, continued to believe that he had done nothing wrong and that he did not purposely expose himself to two women and a 7-year-old boy who walked past his house the morning of Oct. 19. He immediately appealed his conviction.

A seven-person jury in misdemeanor appeals court will rule on the propriety of Williamson's domestic nudity in February.

"That's outrageous," he said after the verdict. "It's unbelievable." He said publicity from the arrest had cost him a job as a commercial diver. "I'm the victim," he said.

It’s somewhat good to see that, at the very least, he didn’t receive any jail time or extra punishment. You know, other than losing his job and being portrayed in the media as some sort of pervert who likes to show his dangly things to mothers and children.

However, while that’s the crux of the story, it’s also worth noting what a complete asshat the judge who presided over his case is, if this is anything to judge by (which it most certainly is):

Testimony in the hour-long trial before Fairfax General District Court Judge Ian M. O'Flaherty revealed that two separate incidents of alleged exposure had occurred over a two-hour period. Williamson denied standing naked in his doorway or front window and said he had no intent to expose himself to anyone. But O'Flaherty wasn't buying it and likened Williamson to bank robber John Dillinger, who also "thought he was doing nothing wrong when he walked into banks and shot them up."

Seriously – what the fuck? Okay, this comparison fails for two huge reasons. First, who the hell even uses John Dillinger as an example of “other-criminals-who-also-didn’t-think-they-were-doing-anything-wrong”? As Radley Balko states, everyone knows that such a comparison has to be made with Nazi concentration camp guards. Talk about dated analogies. (Not to mention that Dillinger was probably very much aware of his actions being wrong – or, at least, illegal. The man was consumed by his own ego, but even he was probably sane enough to realize that shooting up banks and murdering people was against the law.)

But, of course, this pales in comparison to the fact that this clown-of-a-judge apparently thinks it’s a fair comparison to make between a bank robber shooting the joint up and killing people, and someone who was just naked in his own fucking home. Seriously – how do such douches get to become officials? And what is it with said officials and their apparent love for truly horrendous and inappropriate analogies?

It’s good to know that you can just be naked in your own home, and then be compared to a gun-totin’, bank-robbing cold-blooded murderer. Classy.

(via The Agitator)