Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Onion on the Supreme Court on gay marriage

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Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States

It seems someone at The Onion has discovered the ability to peer into an alternate reality where today’s Supreme Court hearings on California’s Proposition 8 and the federal Defense of Marriage Act took a more straightforward and commonsensical turn:

Ten minutes into oral arguments over whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry one another, a visibly confounded Supreme Court stopped legal proceedings Tuesday and ruled that gay marriage was “perfectly fine” and that the court could “care less who marries whom.”

“Yeah, of course gay men and women can get married. Who gives a shit?” said Chief Justice John Roberts, who interrupted attorney Charles Cooper’s opening statement defending Proposition 8, which rescinded same-sex couples’ right to marry in California. “Why are we even seriously discussing this?”

“Does anyone else up here care about this?” Roberts added as his eight colleagues began shaking their heads and saying, “No,” “Nah,” and “I also don’t care about this.” “Great. Same-sex marriage is legal in the United States of America. Do we have anything of actual import on the docket, or are we done for the day?”

Seriously, why is this still an issue? The same once went for interracial marriage, and will one day go for polygamy and any other form of interpersonal relationship based on consent. It simply isn’t the government’s business who loves or shacks up with who else, end of story.

I can only hope to see the day where articles like this are no longer considered satire, but fundamentally and obviously true.

(via Political Irony)