2012 in Crazy: A reality-biased recapitulation

It’s the most wonderful time of the year … when This Modern World’s Tom Tomorrow releases his annual recap of all things stupid, ignorant and downright crazy:

Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →)

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The year in review, part one:

2012: A highly subjective and woefully inadequate look back at a jam-packed year full of crazy: Part the first

JAN. 4: Rick Santorum tells crowd--

RICK SANTORUM: "--I don't want to make blah people's lives better by giving them someone else's money!" Lazy blah people!

JAN. 11: Ten year anniversary of first detainee arrivals at Gitmo.

PUNDIT: Ssshh! We can't talk about that now! It's an election year!

JAN. 9: Probable sociopath Mitt Romney says a true thing.

MITT ROMNEY: "I like being able to fire people who provide services to me!"

Mitt Romney, Jan 15:

ROMNEY: "I'm concerned about the poor!"

Mitt Romney, Feb. 1:

ROMNEY: "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there!"

JAN. 20: Santorum says rape babies are a gift from God.

SANTORUM: He's thoughtful that way!

It will not be the stupidest thing a Republican says about rape this year.

ALSO: Repulsive G.O.P. candidate Newt Gingrich calls Obama a "food stamp president."

NEWT GINGRICH: If you know what I mean. Black. I mean, he's Black.

JAN. 24: Oklahoma G.O.P. lawmaker introduces bill to outlaw aborted fetuses in food.

MAN HOLDING "FETUS-O'S" BOX: So much for our product launch.

FEB. 22: Indiana G.O.P. lawmaker says Girl Scouts promote homosexuality and abortion.

REP. BOB MORRIS (R-IN): It's a thin-mint-funded nest of depravity!

FEB. 27: Gingrich tells ungrateful Afghans--

GINGRICH: "-- You're going to have to figure out how to live your own miserable life!"

FEB. 29: Rush Limbaugh attacks Sandra Fluke; reveals he has no idea how birth control works.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: "She's having so much sex, she can't afford contraception!"

FEMALE LISTENER: Wait, what?

APRIL 16: Newt Gingrich bitten by a penguin.

SPARKY: I have an ironclad alibi.

GINGRICH: !

SOMETIME IN MAY: Mitt Romney is secretly recorded at $50,000-a-plate fundraiser.

ROMNEY: I might as well tell you what I really think about the moochers! What could go wrong?

JUNE 8: Romney doesn't know what a donut is.

ROMNEY: "Garrett, can you see that one of those chocolate, uh, chocolate goodies finds its way to our ride?"

JULY 8: Wealthy Romney donor helpfully explains--

ANON. DONOR: --If you're lower income, you're not as educated…They don't understand how the systems work!"

AUG. 19: Todd Akin helpfully explains--

REP. TODD AKIN (R-MO): "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down!"

FEMALE LISTENER: !!??

This year in review, part two:

2012: A highly subjective and woefully inadequate look back at a jam-packed year full of crazy: Part the second

AUG. 23: Not-at-all-crazy G.O.P. Texas judge warns of occupation by U.N. troops if Obama wins; vows resistance.

JUDGE TOM HEAD: They'll pry my paranoid fantasies from my cold, dead brain!

AUG. 24: Probable sociopath Mitt Romney attempts some of the "humor" he has heard so much about.

ROMNEY: "No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate!" Ha. Ha. Ha.

AUG. 28: G.O.P. builds entire convention around deceptively-edited clip.

PRES. BARACK OBAMA: You didn't build that-- You didn't build that --

ROMNEY: Did too!

AUG. 30: Old man yells at chair.

CLINT EASTWOOD: @#&*!!

EMPTY CHAIR: {?}

SEPT. 10: 12% of likely Ohio voters say Romney is "more responsible" than Obama for death of bin Laden.

OHIO VOTER #1: And we're allowed to drive!

OHIO VOTER #2: And vote!

SEPT. 11: Romney accuses Obama of sympathizing with Benghazi attackers.

ROMNEY: According to my observations, the lesser classes respect such mindless bellicosity!

OCTOBER: Obama team rushes to develop rules for drone program in case Romney wins.

OBAMA: Can you imagine a president with unaccountable, extrajudicial assassination authority? A Republican, I mean?

OCT. 16: Probable sociopath's Randian sidekick pretends to wash dishes in soup kitchen.

PAUL RYAN: Nothing exudes compassion for the poor like a staged photo op!

OCT. 24: Yet another Republican says something stupid about rape.

RICHARD MOURDOCK (R-IN): "When life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something God intended!"

NOV. 6: Probable sociopath loses; legal pot and gay marriage win. Also: More women in Senate; rape nuts repudiated everywhere.

JUDGE TOM HEAD: But--what about the U.N. occupation?!

NOV. 14: Romney blames loss on moochers.

ROMNEY: Obama proposed policies benefitting^[sic] the voting humans! It was quite unfair of him.

MID-NOVEMBER: Macy's unveils Xmas ads featuring repellant, politically divisive lunatic.

DONALD TRUMP: Hey Santa--let's see your birth certificate! Ha ha ha!

SANTA CLAUSE: Ho ho.

NOV. 28: Not-at-all-crazy G.O.P. Senator Inhofe says Benghazi--

SEN. JIM INHOFE (R-OK): "--May end up being the biggest coverup that we've ever experienced in history!"

MID-DECEMBER: Gun fetishists double down.

GUN NUT: What we really need to do is arm all the teachers! After we bust their unions.

END OF DECEMBER: Cartoonist goes crazy trying to catalog a year's worth of crazy.

SPARKY: You forgot Moon bases! And the fiscal cliff! And--

CARTOONIST: Urk.

The critical observer may be irked by the inclusion of Mitt Romney’s “I like being able to fire people” quote, considering how it was every bit as dishonestly quote-mined as President Obama’s now-notorious “you didn’t build that” remark. As legendarily gaffe-prone as he was, Romney was being plainly reasonable when he said that it’s a good thing that he (and people in general) are able to choose who they pay in exchange for services rendered. It’s a heck of a double-standard to fault him for that remark whilst subsequently criticizing the Republicans for distorting the daylights out of Obama’s statement about the importance of a government-maintained infrastructure to the functioning of private enterprises.

Other than that, though, a pretty good anthology of whacky overall. So … who’s ready for another?

(via Political Irony)