It’s the most wonderful time of the year … when This Modern World’s Tom Tomorrow releases his annual recap of all things stupid, ignorant and downright crazy:
Transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →) | [−] |
The year in review, part one:
2012: A highly subjective and woefully inadequate look back at a jam-packed year full of crazy: Part the first
JAN. 4: Rick Santorum tells crowd--
RICK SANTORUM: "--I don't want to make blah people's lives better by giving them someone else's money!" Lazy blah people!
JAN. 11: Ten year anniversary of first detainee arrivals at Gitmo.
PUNDIT: Ssshh! We can't talk about that now! It's an election year!
JAN. 9: Probable sociopath Mitt Romney says a true thing.
MITT ROMNEY: "I like being able to fire people who provide services to me!"
Mitt Romney, Jan 15:
ROMNEY: "I'm concerned about the poor!"
Mitt Romney, Feb. 1:
ROMNEY: "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there!"
JAN. 20: Santorum says rape babies are a gift from God.
SANTORUM: He's thoughtful that way!
It will not be the stupidest thing a Republican says about rape this year.
ALSO: Repulsive G.O.P. candidate Newt Gingrich calls Obama a "food stamp president."
NEWT GINGRICH: If you know what I mean. Black. I mean, he's Black.
JAN. 24: Oklahoma G.O.P. lawmaker introduces bill to outlaw aborted fetuses in food.
MAN HOLDING "FETUS-O'S" BOX: So much for our product launch.
FEB. 22: Indiana G.O.P. lawmaker says Girl Scouts promote homosexuality and abortion.
REP. BOB MORRIS (R-IN): It's a thin-mint-funded nest of depravity!
FEB. 27: Gingrich tells ungrateful Afghans--
GINGRICH: "-- You're going to have to figure out how to live your own miserable life!"
FEB. 29: Rush Limbaugh attacks Sandra Fluke; reveals he has no idea how birth control works.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: "She's having so much sex, she can't afford contraception!"
FEMALE LISTENER: Wait, what?
APRIL 16: Newt Gingrich bitten by a penguin.
SPARKY: I have an ironclad alibi.
GINGRICH: !
SOMETIME IN MAY: Mitt Romney is secretly recorded at $50,000-a-plate fundraiser.
ROMNEY: I might as well tell you what I really think about the moochers! What could go wrong?
JUNE 8: Romney doesn't know what a donut is.
ROMNEY: "Garrett, can you see that one of those chocolate, uh, chocolate goodies finds its way to our ride?"
JULY 8: Wealthy Romney donor helpfully explains--
ANON. DONOR: --If you're lower income, you're not as educated…They don't understand how the systems work!"
AUG. 19: Todd Akin helpfully explains--
REP. TODD AKIN (R-MO): "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down!"
FEMALE LISTENER: !!??
This year in review, part two:
2012: A highly subjective and woefully inadequate look back at a jam-packed year full of crazy: Part the second
AUG. 23: Not-at-all-crazy G.O.P. Texas judge warns of occupation by U.N. troops if Obama wins; vows resistance.
JUDGE TOM HEAD: They'll pry my paranoid fantasies from my cold, dead brain!
AUG. 24: Probable sociopath Mitt Romney attempts some of the "humor" he has heard so much about.
ROMNEY: "No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate!" Ha. Ha. Ha.
AUG. 28: G.O.P. builds entire convention around deceptively-edited clip.
PRES. BARACK OBAMA: You didn't build that-- You didn't build that --
ROMNEY: Did too!
AUG. 30: Old man yells at chair.
CLINT EASTWOOD: @#&*!!
EMPTY CHAIR: {?}
SEPT. 10: 12% of likely Ohio voters say Romney is "more responsible" than Obama for death of bin Laden.
OHIO VOTER #1: And we're allowed to drive!
OHIO VOTER #2: And vote!
SEPT. 11: Romney accuses Obama of sympathizing with Benghazi attackers.
ROMNEY: According to my observations, the lesser classes respect such mindless bellicosity!
OCTOBER: Obama team rushes to develop rules for drone program in case Romney wins.
OBAMA: Can you imagine a president with unaccountable, extrajudicial assassination authority? A Republican, I mean?
OCT. 16: Probable sociopath's Randian sidekick pretends to wash dishes in soup kitchen.
PAUL RYAN: Nothing exudes compassion for the poor like a staged photo op!
OCT. 24: Yet another Republican says something stupid about rape.
RICHARD MOURDOCK (R-IN): "When life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something God intended!"
NOV. 6: Probable sociopath loses; legal pot and gay marriage win. Also: More women in Senate; rape nuts repudiated everywhere.
JUDGE TOM HEAD: But--what about the U.N. occupation?!
NOV. 14: Romney blames loss on moochers.
ROMNEY: Obama proposed policies benefitting[sic] the voting humans! It was quite unfair of him.
MID-NOVEMBER: Macy's unveils Xmas ads featuring repellant, politically divisive lunatic.
DONALD TRUMP: Hey Santa--let's see your birth certificate! Ha ha ha!
SANTA CLAUSE: Ho ho.
NOV. 28: Not-at-all-crazy G.O.P. Senator Inhofe says Benghazi--
SEN. JIM INHOFE (R-OK): "--May end up being the biggest coverup that we've ever experienced in history!"
MID-DECEMBER: Gun fetishists double down.
GUN NUT: What we really need to do is arm all the teachers! After we bust their unions.
END OF DECEMBER: Cartoonist goes crazy trying to catalog a year's worth of crazy.
SPARKY: You forgot Moon bases! And the fiscal cliff! And--
CARTOONIST: Urk.
The critical observer may be irked by the inclusion of Mitt Romney’s “I like being able to fire people” quote, considering how it was every bit as dishonestly quote-mined as President Obama’s now-notorious “you didn’t build that” remark. As legendarily gaffe-prone as he was, Romney was being plainly reasonable when he said that it’s a good thing that he (and people in general) are able to choose who they pay in exchange for services rendered. It’s a heck of a double-standard to fault him for that remark whilst subsequently criticizing the Republicans for distorting the daylights out of Obama’s statement about the importance of a government-maintained infrastructure to the functioning of private enterprises.
Other than that, though, a pretty good anthology of whacky overall. So … who’s ready for another?