Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Haters react schadenfreudeliciously to election day results

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Call me politically sadistic, but there’s little I enjoy more than seeing wingnuts go into full meltdown mode when their bigoted spiel is thrown right back in their faces by popular vote. And yesterday’s multiple crushing defeats were virtually guaranteed to elicit the highest levels of schadenfreude since, well, President Obama’s first election, really. Add the fact that these kooks are on Twitter, and you get gold like the following:

While I apologize for all the damages caused by exploding irony meters nationwide, it looks like the thing that ate its own brain, otherwise known as former Saturday Night Live comedian Victoria Jackson, has transcended impotent rage and moved on to tears of unfathomable sadness:

Of course, the funny thing is that her poor, bemoaned Christians did show up. They just don’t appear to follow her morbidly regressive line of thinking. Double-irony?

Meanwhile, gun-nut and classy fellow extraordinaire Ted Nugent appears to be taking it all in stride:

… or not.

In the meantime, Liberty Counsel’s Matt Barber prefers to blame the country’s lack of Christianism:

Funny how all these Jesus-lovers seem to forget all about how their Messiah supposedly went around healing the sick and feeding the hungry when they start talking about how Christ alone can bring an end to Obama’s socialist regime of redistribution and whatnot. I didn’t know amnesia could be that selective.

And during all this, the American Family Association’s spokesbigot, Bryan Fischer, remains as reasonable as ever:

Not ever crank is spilling their necrotic guts through tweets, however. Here’s the Catholic League’s chief blowhard, Bill Donohue, expressing his organization’s need for some new recruits in light of Comrade Obama’s continued reign:

Enough of the serious stuff—it’s time to have some fun, especially on this rather dreary day. We can’t wait until FOCA and the HHS mandate are thrust upon us, so we need to act now. Accordingly, we need to hire and train people with specific credentials. Here is my job description:

  • Community organizers needed immediately
  • No prior experience—in any job—is needed
  • Chicago residents preferred, especially those from Hyde Park
  • Membership in churches that promote racial divisions is a plus
  • A passion for helping the poor must include opposition to school vouchers and support for more food stamps
  • Long-time associations with urban terrorists preferred
  • An apologetic stance on America’s heritage is a must

Send all resumes to Bill Donohue. References are optional though preference will be given to those who list attorneys who have defended suspected terrorists, or who have at least heard of Eric Holder.

Now, Bill, don’t keep it in like that. Tell us how you really feel about the majority of Americans who decided they didn’t agree with you and other rabid conservatives’ vision for their nation’s future.

Phew, I’m having a wonderful evening. Aren’t you?