Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Stewart slams Republicans for politicization hypocrisy

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There’s been some buzz over President Obama’s latest campaign ad, which boasts about killing Osama bin Laden and casts doubt over whether Mitt Romney would’ve ordered the ultimately successful hit. But as mildly irksome as it may be to see the Obama campaign stooping to Republican levels of insinuous braggadocio, it’s absolutely breathtaking to see all the Right-wingers crawl out of the woodwork and attack Obama for “politicizing terrorism”. Them balls could sink an island.

Jon Stewart at The Daily Show takes it away (parts 1 & 2):

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My transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →) []

PART 1/2: “Victory Lapse”

STEWART: Many of you may already know this: Today is a special day. It’s the one-year anniversary of the death of Osama bin Laden. Just twelve months ago, parents across the country had to suddenly explain to their children why they had just shouted at the TV, ‘[FUCK] YEAH! OH! AMERICA!’

The death of bin Laden was the first event since 9/11 that really brought us all together, which, of course, is why one year later, this ad, touting Obama’s steadfast and presidential leadership during the raid whilst subtly questioning his opponent’s judgment – hmmm – that ad is tearing us apart!

SEAN HANNITY [04/30/12]: As we all know, this administration is not above politicizing any issue for personal gain.

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R-AZ) [05/01/12]: Politicizing an event that all Americans applauded enormously.

REP. MICHAEL TURNER (R-OH): It’s deplorable to politicize this.

JONAH GOLDBERG: The President of the United States, who said he wasn’t gonna spike the football and all this, we shouldn’t gloat about it, running campaign ads gloating about it.

STEWART: Waah. Waaaaah. So, let me get this straight: Republicans, you’re annoyed by the arrogance and braggadocio of a wartime president’s political ad? You think divisively and unfairly belittling his opponent? I see. I have a question: Are you on crack?! Were you alive, lo, these past ten years? It seems unseemly for the President to spike the football? Bush landed on a [fucking] aircraft carrier with a football-stuffed codpiece! He spiked the football before the game had even started!

Yes, your Republican caterwauling outrage is the subject of our new segment: “You are aware that the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex gives us the ability to store and recall past events as they occurred, right?”

Former Bush 43 advisor and current Romney campaign advisor Ed Gillespie:

ED GILLESPIE [04/29/12]: Took something that was a unifying event for all Americans […] and he’s managed to turn it into a divisive, partisan, political attack.

STEWART: Yeah, that’d be like in 2004, saying something like, “If Kerry had his policies in place today, Saddam Hussein would not only be in Baghdad, he’d be in Kuwait!”

GILLESPIE [02/24/04]: If John Kerry had his policies in place today, Saddam Hussein would not only be in Baghdad, he’d be in Kuwait.

STEWART: Oh my gosh! Blurry Ed Gillespie is divisive and partisan! By the way, Blurry Gillespie – also the name of a great, but lesser heralded, trumpet player. Nobody ever booked Blurry, just Dizzy.

And there’s more!

GILLESPIE [04/29/12]: It’s the attack that, you know, Governor Romney wouldn’t have done it. […] You don’t see – you know, you see in the Bush ad, saying, “You know, he’s a strong leader.” You don’t see him saying, “That guy would’ve done something different.”

STEWART: Yes, yes, the Democrats have taken past Romney’s statements and used them to project how a hypothetical President Romney would act. It’s so devious of Democrats to steal that tactic. Cerebral cortex – activate!

2004 BUSH POLITICAL AD: Now, Kerry says, we have to get back to the place where terrorists are a “nuisance”, like “gambling” and “prostitution”. How can Kerry protect us when he doesn’t understand the threat?

PRES. GEORGE W. BUSH (V.O.): I’m George W. Bush, and I approve this message.

STEWART: No! No! Actually, in hindsight, according to Gillespie, you don’t approve of that message! You think it’s divisive and partisan. The guy just said that.

PART 2/2: “Victory Lapse - The Anniversary of Osama bin Laden's Death”

STEWART: But there are other troubling aspects to this anniversary.

MARTHA MacCALLUM [05/01/12]: One might expect that the President would say, y’know, “Great day, great job on behalf of those Navy SEALs, of course.”

GEORGE PATAKI (R): I would do what a leader is supposed to do, and that is give credit to others, and particularly, give credit to those who are out there on the front line.

STEWART: Yes, some “thank you”s. That is troubling. Why can’t Obama just say something like this?

PRES. BARACK OBAMA [05/01/11]: I give thanks for the men who carried out this operation.

OBAMA [09/10/11]: Thanks to the remarkable courage and precision of our forces.

OBAMA [06/22/11]: Thanks to our intelligence professionals and special forces.

OBAMA [01/24/12]: The pilot who landed the helicopter […] the translator […] the troops […] the SEALs.

OBAMA [06/22/11]: We killed Osama bin Laden.

STEWART: Really. He honestly, I think, thanked everybody but Harvey Weinstein. I think. Unbelievable!

Now, by the way, in a cacophony of galling Republican forgetfulness – aka Ballsheimer’s – George Pataki stands alone. “Spread the credit around”? “Thank the people who made it all possible”? Here’s George Pataki at the 2004 Republican convention:

PATAKI [09/02/04]: On September 11th, al-Qaeda attacked again. But this time, they made a terrible mistake. There’s one thing they didn’t bank on. They didn’t bank on George W. Bush! […] He didn’t run from history; he faced it. […] He mobilized our forces and went to Afghanistan. […] George Bush protected our country, and he protects it still.

STEWART: By himself! Because George Bush is Iron Man! That’s just fact!

Now, to be fair, not every conservative’s criticizing Obama for the ad. Some are criticizing him for talking about the ad in front of foreigners.

BRIT HUME [04/30/12]: The Obama team now seems to be trying to magnify the political benefits of the raid with that campaign ad suggestion Mitt Romney might not have ordered it. […] In the rough and tumble of a campaign, such distortions may be commonplace. But for the President himself to do it in the presence of a foreign leader in the White House brings one word to mind: Yuck.

STEWART: By the way, if you enjoyed that, you should check out Brit Hume’s new show, Brit Hume’s One-Word Reviews. [The Hunger Games] Good. [American Reunion] Really? [The Smurfs] Smurf-tastic. [Albert Nobbs] Rawr.

But I get it. I get it, Brit. You can’t [shit] on your opponent at an official function, like greeting a head of state. I’m just curious: Did your cerebral cortex not record this Bush election year gem with Iraqi Prime Minister Allawi?

BUSH [09/21/04]: We agree that the world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell. And that stands in sharp contrast to the statement my opponent made yesterday.

STEWART: Yuck. And there’s plenty more where that came from.

Look, Republicans. Yeah; the Obama ad – kinda [shitty]. Little bit of a cheap shot. But the only reason you’re pissed is that you didn’t get to run it. ’Cause let’s face it: If bin Laden had been killed on Bush’s watch, this would’ve been the add you’re running with:

He was responsible for one of our darkest days. One of the most evil men in history. And I got ’im! That’s right, me, George-W.-bin-Laden-killer Bush! He was all like, “No, please, Mr. President!”, and I was all like, “You’re goin’ down, Texas-style! ’Cause vengeance is a dish best served barbecued. And where was John Kerry? Wind-sailing to Pussy Island! Good thing you got a President with Epcot balls. How’d I know where he was hiding? Reagan told me in a dream. (REAGAN: Well, kill one for the Gipper, George.) Long story short: You’re welcome, America. Take that, beardy! Yeee-haaw! I’m George W. Bush, and I sure as hell approve this message.”

To be fair, most people who vote Republican do appear to have some sort of severe defect in their frontal lobes. Which may actually explain why they vote Republican.