Monday, April 09, 2012

The wingnut’s Californian-to-Texan translation guide

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Missouri Rep. Donna Lichtenegger (R-Jackson) must have a thing against secrecy, as she’s just blown the Republican Party’s language code wide open in posting this handy little reason-to-wingnut translation guide on her Facebook wall:

“"Californian to Texan" translation guide”
My transcript: (click the [+/-] to open/close →) []

Due to the large number of jobs moving from California to Texas, Texas has compiled a "Californian to Texan" translation guide

Arsenal of Weapons Gun Collection
Delicate Wetlands Swamp
Undocumented Worker Illegal Alien
Cruelty-Free Materials Synthetic Fiber
Assault and Battery Attitude Adjustment
Heavily Armed Well-protected
Narrow-minded Righteous
Taxes or Your Fair Share Coerced Theft
Commonsense Gun Control Gun Confiscation Plot
Illegal Hazardous Explosives Fireworks for Stump Removal
Nonviable Tissue Mass Unborn Baby
Equal Access to Opportunity Socialism
Multicultural Community High Crime Area
Fairness or Social Progress Marxism
Upper Class or "The Rich " Self-Employed
Progressive Change Big Government Scheme
Homeless or Disadvantaged Bums or Welfare Leeches
Sniper Rifle Scoped Deer Rifle
Investment For the Future Higher Taxes
Healthcare Reform Socialized Medicine
Truants Homeschoolers
Victim or Oppressed Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
High Capacity Magazine Standard Capacity Magazine
Religious Zealot Church-going
Reintroduced Wolves Sheep and Deer Killers
Fair Trade Coffee Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
Exploiters or "The Rich " Employed or Land Owner
The Gun Lobby NRA Members
Assault WeaponFiscal Stimulus Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine)
Same Sex Marriage Legalized Perversion
Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

You know, this really explains so, so much about the GOP’s inner workings. And in so many ways.

Edit (04/10/12 4:35 AM ET) – Added a quick clarification; I mean this post as a swipe at the demagogic Republican Party, not as stereotyping the Texan people at large.

(via Joe. My. God.)