Friday, August 19, 2011

How ‘Harry Potter’ should have ended

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My transcript: (click the [+/-] to expand/collapse →) []

Dumbledore welcomes students to “Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft”, which he assures is safe – except for a “huge killer snake downstairs”, and a “giant, vicious, three-headed dog”, and “a tree that can kill you”, and “man-sized spiders that can eat your face”. Prof. McGonagall then replaces him. The students start complaining about the candles dripping wax all over them.

Harry urges Hermione to hold onto the Time-Turner in case they ever need it in the future. Montage of important character deaths as seen in the movie, including Snape’s.

Then, Harry and Voldemort are dueling to the death. Voldemort repeatedly taunts Harry about killing him, though Harry repeatedly reminds him that he failed to kill him as a baby and that Harry even came back from the dead. Neville then kills Nagini (“I’m awesooooome!”).

Voldemort then gets shot in the head and killed by Snape, who explains impatiently that he was prepared for death by being a Potions master and a double-agent. Snape then asks for Harry’s Invisibility Cloak and Hermione’s Time-Turner and, after turning the time-traveling device exactly 262,031 times, goes back in time and murders Tom Riddle, future Lord Voldemort, in his orphanage while he was still a boy being interviewed by Albus Dumbledore before being accepted into Hogwarts. Snape gloats and explains to a shocked Dumbledore that he just saved countless lives in the future, including Dumbledore’s.

That does sorta make sense, really.

(via godlessgirl)