A victory for evolution in Tennessee (or is it?)

Kurt Zimmerman. Looks the part, doesn’t he?

Last month, creotard Kurt Zimmerman from Knoxville, TN tried to have a biology textbook banned because it had the gall to (accurately) call Creationism a “biblical myth” (see the context of the quote here). Unlike in many other cases, though, this story has a happy ending: as of last Wednesday, the Knox County school board voted 6-3 in favor of keeping the book. The god-botting ignoramus got his 15 minutes of fame, the school board made the only decision that could be deemed acceptable, and students get to keep studying their biology material in full, untarnished by unscientific superstition. Everyone’s happy.

Although, I do have something to object to, of course – I’m just that cranky. Here’s what the school board told the textbook’s publishers as they approved its use in classrooms:

Regarding the textbook 'Asking About Life,' although board members voted to keep it in the classroom, they directed Superintendent Jim McIntyre to send a letter to the publisher 'suggesting that they consider less provocative wording in future editions,' according to an approved motion submitted by board Chairwoman Indya Kincannon.

“[L]ess provocative wording”? For crying out loud, here’s the full quote, right from the book itself:

In the 1970s and 1980s, antievolutionists in Arkansas, Tennessee, and Louisiana passed identical bills calling for “equal time” for teaching evolution and creationism, the biblical myth that the universe was created by the Judeo-Christian God in six days.

That’s the whole thing. Notice how the use of “myth” isn’t meant derogatorily, but is in fact the precise definition fitting Creation myth: a fantastical story explaining something without any actual scientific founding. Which is exactly what any and all forms of Creationism are. And yet, the school board still considers this to be too “provocative”. Maybe they want something more like this:

Creationism: the biblical myth non-scientific story that the universe was created by the Judeo-Christian God in six days.

But, wait, surely they’ll object to it being called a “story” – especially a non-scientific one! For the sake of sensitivity, we must dilute the language a bit more:

Creationism: the biblical myth non-scientific story sorta-maybe-pseudo-scientific(-ish) point-of-view that the universe was created by the Judeo-Christian God in six days.

But, wait! This states that the universe was only created in six days, when it took God a full seven days, including the all-powerful superentity’s need for rest after all that hard Creating. We must fix this travesty further!:

Creationism: the biblical myth non-scientific story sorta-maybe-pseudo-scientific(-ish) point-of-view that the universe was created by the Judeo-Christian God in six (or seven) days.

But, you say, surely some may object to their One True God^TM being portrayed as “the Judeo-Christian God”, as though there could possibly be other types of gods?! Omygod! We must hurry and soften the rhetoric before the legions of PC-zealous religious folks descend upon us!:

Creationism: the biblical myth non-scientific story sorta-maybe-pseudo-scientific(-ish) point-of-view that the universe was created by the Judeo-Christian One and Only (Christian) God in six (or seven) days.

Still, you simper on, God created much more than the mere universe; he also magicked the Pearly Gates and the Underworld into existence! How offensive not to mention this! So let’s just fix that right up:

Creationism: the biblical myth non-scientific story sorta-maybe-pseudo-scientific(-ish) point-of-view that the universe was Earth, Heaven and Hell were created by the Judeo-Christian One and Only (Christian) God in six (or seven) days.

But, but, there’s still something provocative to that – I mean, why even mention it at all? Surely there will be some who would be offended at the very idea that their belief is just that, a belief, and not cold hard fact? We must portray this in a different light –

[Penn & Teller step in]

P&T: ‘This is BULLSHIT!’

[sound of pearls being feverishly clutched]

Yeah, I fucking love that show.

(via Friendly Atheist)