Yeah, they’re not crazy at all

I’ll cut you with projectile glass vomit, Father Merrin!

Would you believe the Vatican has a chief exorcist? And that he’s palpably crazy? … Yes, of course you would.

The Devil is lurking in the very heart of the Roman Catholic Church, the Vatican's chief exorcist claimed on Wednesday.
[Ha! I knew it! Told ya, Darth Benedict was … oh, wait.]

Father Gabriele Amorth said people who are possessed by Satan vomit shards of glass and pieces of iron.
[And he would know this how …?]

He added that the assault on Pope Benedict XVI on Christmas Eve by a mentally unstable woman and the sex abuse scandals which have engulfed the Church in the US, Ireland, Germany and other countries, were proof that the Anti-Christ was waging a war against the Holy See.
[Right. Can’t be that it’s just the case of an archaic old organization whose long filthy history and current panoply of misdeeds are being thrown into the light by secular investigations …]

"The Devil resides in the Vatican and you can see the consequences," said Father Amorth, 85, who has been the Holy See's chief exorcist for 25 years.

"He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, or even appear to be sympathetic. At times he makes fun of me. But I'm a man who is happy in his work."
[He’s the Devil – the ultimate evil – and he … makes fun of you? What, does he call you a senile old crackpot or something? ’Cause that’s approaching the line of “harsh but true” …]

While there was "resistance and mistrust" towards the concept of exorcism among some Catholics, Pope Benedict XVI has no such doubts, Father Amorth said. "His Holiness believes wholeheartedly in the practice of exorcism. He has encouraged and praised our work," he added.
[And because the great poobah of your crazy group believes it to be true, ergo, it must be …]

The evil influence of Satan was evident in the highest ranks of the Catholic hierarchy, with "cardinals who do not believe in Jesus and bishops who are linked to the demon," Father Amorth said.
[Even in the very heart of the freaking Vatican, it’s still the nonbelievers’ fault …]

And this is the organization at the head of over one billion people worldwide.

There’s a saying that exists about real-life approaching the realms of caricature …

Of course, though, the astute reader will notice how one of my favorite subjects is unpleasantly and stupidly broached at the very end of the article …

He also condemned the Harry Potter books, saying they were dangerous because they dabbled in the occult and failed to draw a clear distinction between "the Satanic art" of black magic and benevolent white magic.

Tell you what – the day that just one of these cranks actually reads the fucking thing is when I might bother to address their nonsense. Because anyone who fails to appreciate the great distinction that’s continually and purposefully made between normal magic and the Dark Arts in the series, obviously hasn’t read a bloody word of it.

(via The Daily Grail)