Y’see, Timmy, when officers and their dog are really, really close …

… weird stuff happens. And, sometimes, they get caught.

Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been charged with animal cruelty involving the fondling of a K-9 dog and videotaping the two incidents.

All five officers were training at the Academy for Staff Development in Goochland County to become K-9 handlers. They were charged across the James River in Powhatan County where the kennel is located, at the Powhatan Correctional Center.

Facing misdemeanor animal-cruelty charges are Kelvin Thompson, 25, who works at Green Rock Correctional Center in Chatham; Melvin Boone, 40, who worked at the state prison in Sussex County; Adam R. Webb, 27, and Cheri Campbell, 35, who work at Nottoway Correctional Center; and Anthony Eldridge, 33, a sergeant who worked at Nottoway.

Powhatan Commonwealth's Attorney Robert B. Beasley Jr. said Thompson "allegedly had some sexual contact with the animal." The male dog, a German shepherd or shepherd mix, was not harmed, he said.

"Essentially, he was touching the dog's penis with his hand," Beasley said. "The others were there filming it. That's actually how we learned of it -- there's a video."

I don’t know which is more disturbing, here: the fact that these weirdos fondled the dog^[1] (and especially, that they were stupid enough to film it and leave it lying around), or that they are being charged with “animal cruelty” despite the fact that the dog itself wasn’t harmed in any way. Charge them with some sort of indecency, perhaps, but – come on. If there’s no harm or even any will to cause harm, there cannot be an accusation of “cruelty”, for crying out loud.

If they are convicted, each of them could be sentenced to up to a year in jail and have to disburse a $1,000 fine. That’s just unfair; regardless on where one stands on this issue, I doubt they’d agree that the mere harmless fondling of an animal, however weird or disturbing it may be to most, merits a full year in jail. A slap on the wrist, perhaps, but seriously, jail?

Although, you can’t say the officers didn’t use male psychology to full effect …

Terry N. Grimes, a Roanoke attorney representing Thompson, said his client planned to plead not guilty but admitted to fondling the animal.

"I would characterize it as hazing," he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, "If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you'll have greater control over it."

That is, indeed, the best way to hold power over a man … (Women are particularly good at it, or so I’ve heard.)

[1] Am I the only one to whom that phrase sounds like a euphemism or something? Think, “choking the gecko” …

(via The Agitator)
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