Film Review: ‘Zombieland’ – 7.0/10

Zombieland (2009)
Written by Joé McKen on Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Three guesses where this is headed? Zombies take a beating in Ruben Fleischer’s Zombieland.

When was the last time anyone older than eight years old has ever been scared of zombies? Seriously. I used to be scared into nightmares by horror films as a child (An American Werewolf in Paris actually brought me to tears once – though, admittedly, I was only six), yet never so with the undead. If anything, they always looked so odd and – well, stupid – that they actually made me laugh, at least until one jumped at the camera as the hideous bastards always seem to do.

7.0/10 Columbus: Jesse Eisenberg Tallahassee: Woody Harrelson Wichita: Emma Stone Little Rock: Abigail Breslin Directed by Ruben Fleischer. Written by Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese. Original score by David Sardy. Running time: 81 mins. Rated R.

With that in mind, it therefore makes perfect sense to me that Zombieland, a film devoted entirely to the gormless lifeless, would cast its faithful caste of rotting corpses as secondary characters in the film, creatures whose sole purpose is to add some semblance of an obstacle to the main characters whilst they get mutilated and killed off in a variety of hilarious manners. They look exactly like you would imagine your stereotypical zombies to be, too: suffering from advanced pallor, gushing blood from the mouth (you’d think they’d all be dead from that much hemorrhaging), covered in blood and sloughing flesh, clothes torn, and all of them (or almost) looking like they’d spent the past few weeks at an all-you-can-eat buffet, judging by their waistlines. (Which they really sorta did, for a while.)

The movie even attempts to lay out some explanation for the curse of teh zombeez, something to do with a mutated Mad Cow virus (which we pedants smugly refer to as Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, without telling you how to pronounce that) which is quickly spread through the world – ie. America – and within weeks, has infected everyone. Which is where our hero (Jesse Eisenberg) comes in, in the shape of a young man, barely out of his teen years (if out he even is) yet forced to make his way through the United States of Zombieland on his way home from his college dorm in Texas to Columbus, Ohio – hence his name of Columbus in the film. To avoid growing attached to each other, the characters all call each other by the names of their hometowns or destinations. One might argue that this is fundamentally flawed a way to prevent attachment, as their “fake” names would simply become as real to them as their real ones, but let’s just skip the illogic.

The only reason Columbus has even stayed alive so long is thanks to a system of survival rules he’s devised (#1: Cardio. #2: Double-Tap. #3: Beware of Restrooms. (Or was that #4?)), which he follows religiously. The only reason he’s still sane after being what at first appears to be the sole non-flesh-eating human left in the entire world, is his determination to make it to his home where his estranged family lives. And that is when Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) jumps in, playing the traditional part of the tough-ass cowboy whose role is part-comic relief, part plot development, and all-kickass. Together, the two soon encounter two girls, Wichita (Emma Stone) and her little sister, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), who successfully con the men into giving up their weapons and truck. One does hate when that happens.

These are characters defined by their needs and desires, in a cartoon-like simple manner. Columbus wants to meet a girl who won’t eat him. Tallahassee yearns for a Twinkie like a junkie rears for heroin (and just as crazily). Wichita wants to protect her little sister. And Little Rock just wants to reach Pacific Playland and “be a child again”. I’ll neglect to comment further on the oddity of one’s goal in a dark and dangerous, zombie-ruled world being to have fun at an amusement park, but then, this isn’t one of those movies that intend to make perfect sense. It wouldn’t be as funny if it did.

The film has some very loose ties in the “survival horror” genre, but it is, at its core, a comedy, and a damn good one at that, if I don’t say so myself. Every scene in the movie seems to be a set-up for a variety of pranks, money shots and gags that are often as clichéd (and silly) as they are well executed. The film’s style is one of whimsy light-heartedness, even amongst all the gore and flesh eating. Speaking of which: moviegoers who are queasy when it comes to blood should definitely stay away from this one. Blood spills (though it mostly splashes or gushes) more often than in a Saw film, yet again, this is all built along a humorous framework. There really is something strangely satisfying in seeing zombies being crushed to bloody pulpy bits over and over again; oddly enough, it just doesn’t seem to get old. Especially in this film, which brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “more than two ways to skin a zombie”. Err, cat. Yes.

I’d mention the storyline a bit more in-detail and how the characters bond with each other and all that, but frankly, it just isn’t that interesting or important. This is a zombie hack-&-slasher as pure as they come, with the sorts of one-liners and smartass quips that’ll keep you smiling and chuckling to yourself for long after the credits have rolled. My only real quibble with the film is that they seem to have taken all the best jokes and placed them in the previews; the rest is still funny, but there just isn’t any real impact left, which I found somewhat disappointing. But, they did leave some precious lines in there, such as … Well, not that I wanna give any spoilers, but: rednecks have their uses when it comes to surviving a zombie apocalypse with low resources.

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