"If you ever make it home, I'm hiding your car keys"

This may have left me gasping for breath longer than is healthy. Follow a woman's harrowing night as she tries to find her way home after getting lost ... on the way to get milk from the local store.

Phone conversation I had with my husband after I got lost for the 8,000th time…

Me: Hello?

Victor: Where are you?! You’ve been gone an hour.

Me: I’m lost. Don’t yell at me.

Victor: You went to get milk, dude. You’ve been to that store a hundred times.

Me: Yes, but not at night. Everything looks all strange and I couldn’t see the signs and I guess I must’ve taken a wrong street and I’ve been driving aimlessly hoping for something to look familiar.

Victor: How can you get lost every damn time you leave the house?

Me: I don’t even think I’m in Texas anymore.

Victor: Motherfu-

Me: DON’T YELL AT ME.

Victor: I’m not yelling at you. Just turn on the GPS and put in our address.

Me: I left it at home.

Victor: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Me: You said you wouldn’t yell at me!

I think I just shat a lung. I'm not sure whom to pity more, Victor or Miss Lost (didn't catch her name). There's plenty more, so be sure to read it all: I promise you it just gets better and better. (Punchline: she makes it home ... sorta.)

(Not to sound sexist, but ... doesn't this happen more often with women than with men ...? (Hell, even my mother admits it.))

(via The Agitator)

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