How not to teach your kids about swear words

The double facepalm: for emergencies only

Having read this piece of utter inane garbage from third-rate comedian and actress Victoria Jackson over at Big Hollywood, I’m now at a loss for words. Though, I’m not sure whether it’s from the potent mixture of sheer indignation, stupefaction and incredulity, or that this is how this woman actually chooses to teach her young daughter about the evils of bad words:

My daughter when she was 8 asked me if she was allowed to say F-A-R-T. I said, “Absolutely not. Even if we weren’t Christians, it is not lady like. Besides, when do you ever need to say it? When someone does one you are supposed to pretend you didn’t smell or hear it. That’s polite.”

“Pleasssse Mommy,” she pleaded. “Everybody says it. Even my teachers.”

“Well, we don’t say it. We say Putt Putt. Aubbie is a nut. She has a rubber butt. And every time she turns around it goes putt putt. My Mom taught me that.”

“What?! Everyone would make fun of me if I said that.”

“Why do you have to be like everyone? Why don’t you be a trendsetter? Call it a razzamatazz. I bet everyone will copy you. But, wait, when do you have to say this?”

“Jasmine talks about it all the time.”

“Oh. Jasmine who stole your lunch money and talks about sex?”

“Can I say Fert?”

I finally said, “Honey, if you start with the bad words, like F-A-R-T, it leads to F-U-C-K and that leads to cigarettes, and that leads to alcohol, and that leads to pot, then coke, and then heroin.”

“Mommy, you think if I say Fert, I will become a heroin addict.”

“Yep…or worse, Rahm Emanuel. Good Night!”

I’m not sure which is worse here: that this idiot has a blog; that she could actually post something this stupid; that this post already has 215 comments at the time of writing this; that the vast majority of these 215 comments actually agree with her; that she decided “fart” was a word so evil that children shouldn’t use it; that she was able to reproduce; that the poor child now has this monumentally stupid woman for a mother; that there’s a chance the poor girl could now go around saying stuff like “putt putt”, “razzamatazz” or “fert”; or, perhaps most of all, that nature somehow granted this moron the right to raise a child at all.

This could almost pass for satire if it weren’t so revoltingly pathetic. Natural selection should show a heck of a lot more discretion at times.

(via Dispatches From the Culture Wars)