You might be batshit insane if you think liberals believe this

Barbara Curtis

I make it no secret that I detest the modern neoconservative agenda and I probably take a bit too much pleasure in snarking at Rightists, but I believe I can safely say that I have never gone as far as to tar them all with the same brush as their looniest fringe-dwellers. Granted, I may blow a gasket every now and then when I come across something so despicable that it makes even my long-desensitized blood boil, but the day where I unequivocally declare that all conservatives are racist/anti-choice/anti-gay/misogynistic/treasonous/liars/cowards/hypocrites/<etc.> is when I want you all to delete this blog from your readers and whatnot, because I will have lost my marbles.

(Quick notes, though: Jokes and sarcasm, by definition, don’t count. And nor does stating that conservatives are generally against abortion/same-sex marriage/etc., since these are actual and verifiable neoconservative tenets.)

At any rate, it seems rather disturbing how rarely far-Rightists seem concerned with extending this courtesy (and far from an overgeneralization, this is a fact that can be established at any time by comparing blog posts and reader comments at mainstream Leftist outlets like Daily Kos and ThinkProgress to their Right-wing counterparts, such as RedState and Free Republic). And now, courtesy of the superhumanly tireless PersonalFailure, comes this latest example from Barbara Curtis at Mommy Life of a mind tragically rotted out by rank ignorance-fueled hatred [transcribed as-is from original image]:

You might be a Liberal, IF…

1. You want to "Save Darfur" but aren't willing to do anything more than slap a bumper sticker on your car.
2. You want to ban guns – except for those carried by your own kid's bodyguards (like Rosie O'Donnell).
3. You are against school vouchers for public school students, but send your own kids to private school.
4. You support alternative energy, but don't want windmills to spoil the view from your own backyard.
5. You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.
6. You want to outlaw cigarettes and legalize marijuana.
7. You have no problem with Hollywood movie stars flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of Global Warming.
8. Deep down you believe 3,000 American civilians deserved to die on 9-11.
9. You think Israel is a criminal state, but Hamas and Islamic Jihad aren't criminals.
10. You support killing the unborn innocent but oppose killing the condemned.
11. You think marriage is obsolete – except for homosexuals.
12. You uphold a woman’s right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business.
13. You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way.”
14. You value tolerance except for opinions that you dislike.

Oh, why oh why can they never be poes …?

Now, as tempting as it is to immediately dismiss such people as bigoted wretches out-of-hand, I’m always in support of a detailed discreditation (also known as fisking), even if only to appease my ever-present SIWOTI Syndrome. And so, here we go:

• 1) Because if you really care, then you’ll automatically have enough money to donate to humanitarian organizations without damaging your own financial situation. It’s like a law of physics or something. (Trufax.) Or, better yet, if you really, really wanna do your part, you’ll jettison your home, career and family and just fly on over there in person to spoon-feed those poor Darfurian children yourself. And you’ll put yourself between civilians and their rebel aggressors, of course. Every bullet hole and machete cleave you get is another sign of your altruistic passion.

• 2) Not all liberals want to ban guns, you know. Plenty of Leftists are just as gun-ho as their Right-wing counterparts. And even a majority of those who are in favor of tighter gun control laws have no intention of repealing the Second Amendment; they just want to make sure that anyone who obtains a firearm is as stable and trained as possible before being let loose in society with a deadly weapon. Is that really too much to ask? (And I have no idea where the “bodyguards” or “Rosie O’Donnell” stuff comes from. Maybe some bizarre attempt at a fat joke?)

• 3) I’m afraid I know next-to-nothing about the school voucher system, and what I’ve read about the it all so far tells me the issue is quite complicated, so I really don’t have any opinion on the matter. I do, however, think there’s an obvious socio-economical problem in the idea of paying wealthy families to send their kids to private schools and leaving public institutions to deal with the rest.

• 4) This sounds like an oversimplification of the “Not In My Back Yard” (NIMBY) issue. Personally, though, I find wind turbines to be quite a pleasant sight, and would enjoy having one or more visible outside my window, just so long as they’re far away enough to avoid any noise problems^*.

• 5) That is just stupid. Either she is claiming that liberals want to outright criminalize capitalism, which is somewhere beyond insanity, or else she believes all liberals are opposed to capitalism, which is … equally insane, really. Or does she really think there are no Left-wing businesspeople?

  Personally, I neither particularly like nor dislike capitalism, any more than any other political/economic system. It has its ups and downs, as with any other, though I would say that any system that is built on the founding mantra of seeking ever-greater wealth is probably destined to fall victim to human greed at a speed roughly equal to that of light.

• 6) Yet more unfounded stupidity. Who, other than health-obsessed kooks, has ever called for a permanent ban against all cigarettes? Seriously, name one reputable and influential group that has actively sought to prohibit the sale and possession of ciggies outright.

  And on the other hand, not all liberals are weed-loving hippies, you know. Those who wish to see marijuana legalized (or at least decriminalized for a start) generally fall into one of two camps: those who want the government to allow (yet tax and regulate) medicinal cannabis, and those, generally of civil libertarian bent, who don’t think the government should have any authority over what people can or cannot do with their own bodies on their own time and dime. (I certainly fall into this latter line of thought.)

• 7) Of course, can’t have an anti-liberal screed without chucking some dirt at Hollywood, can we? And the idea that a few individuals flying in private jets whilst warning about the dangers of anthropogenic global warming constitutes some sort of contradiction or hypocrisy is just silly. We (speaking as one of those oft-smeared as “alarmists”) are not trying to outlaw anything that produces any greenhouse gases, and nor are we interested in getting anyone to reduce their carbon footprint to absolute zero. Seriously, the Earth can handle some pollution. We’re just saying it’s not a good idea for everyone to be treating the natural world like a giant landfill, and that if we continue to do so, there will inevitably be negative repercussions for our society. Really, that’s it. I promise.

• 8) I honest don’t even know where to begin with this one. You foul, disgusting, hate-filled, shit-headed little wretch. Shut your filthy yap and go see what those “liberals” you hate so much actually think about 9/11. If only I could take PF’s words and throw them in your arrogant face with enough force to actually teach you something about basic human empathy.

• 9) My efforts to educate myself on the whole Israel/Palestine/Hamas/etc. debacle have continually proven futile (even with valiant help from my go-to history buff Veritas), and all I retain is that they all just hate each other due to reasons political, social, historical and religious in nature, so really, I just ignore that clusterfuck entirely in the expectancy that people much more intelligent and capable than I will deal with it appropriately. Although, I do have doubts that groups that virtually every government and human rights watchdog under the sun have filed under “extremists” aren’t criminals in at least some respect.

• 10) If you phrase that correctly – that I support terminating the growth of unfeeling and unknowing fetuses for the sake of the carrying adult’s physical and mental health, yet oppose having humans play God with other people’s right to life, particularly in a criminal system that has all-too-often allowed innocents to fall through the cracks and end up killed – then yep, sure do! Better question is, why don’t you?

• 11) I think marriage is a social and cultural institution that was co-opted by religious interests millenia ago for the purposes of restricting what types of people should or shouldn’t be together for whatever faith-based reasons that were expedient at the time. (To put it quite simply.) Today, marriage essentially serves as an official declaration of a couple’s loving union, and this works regardless of gender (or, ideally, pretty much anything else, save for valid consent).

• 12) This is the sort of anti-feminist dung we’ve been hearing for quite a while: that feminists are all about women’s rights – unless they want to fulfill some role they’ve now ostensibly been “liberated” of. This denotes a fundamental misrepresentation of the feminist cause, which is, at its core, giving women the right to do what they want regardless of tradition and gender roles. Any feminist worth a damn isn’t going to pitch a fit if a woman actually does want to be a homeschooling housewife, just so long as she isn’t being coerced into it by any force other than her own needs and desires. Again, it really is that simple. (And I have no idea why “start[ing] a business” is included, there. Isn’t that precisely what anti-feminists think feminists want, for women to enter positions of power?)

• 13) Where, exactly, is the contradiction in demanding that the government follow its own laws regarding separation of church and state? ^{[Myth A13]} Face it: Religious displays are not allowed on government/public property. End of story. You can put up a life-sized crèche and eighty-nine Christmas trees on your own front yard, and no-one (other than possibly your local homeowner’s association) will complain. Just don’t ask for your city hall to follow your example.

  And as for porn, again, it’s all about what consenting adults do with their own bodies. Your view of sex is not the only valid one, you know. Different people, different kicks. Some folks just like having casual sex for a paycheck. They’re not hurting anyone, other than the sensibilities of pearl-clutching prudes. Get over it.

• 14) There is a key (and even rather obvious) difference between intolerance and simply being opposed to bigotry and stupidity. To use a completely random example: No matter how embarrassingly your post reflects upon you and how completely full of garbage I think you are, I will always defend your right to continue spewing your contemptible writings as frequently and vehemently as you like. See? Ain’t that just a real contradiction to your false contradiction?

PersonalFailure states that Barbara claims she used to be a liberal before turning into the ultra-conservative loon she is now. Honestly, all I can do to conclude this mess is to quote PF directly: “All I have to say is if that’s what you used to believe, Barbara, you weren’t a liberal, you were seriously mentally ill[.]”

Something tells me she hasn’t gotten much better.

(via Forever in Hell)

* Sorry for the poor audio quality; that’s actually the best video I could find.

Tags: Barbara Curtis • Mommy Life • liberals • conservatives • PersonalFailure