Just last Monday, I covered a historically and legally illiterate column by WorldNetDaily founder Joseph Farah where he claimed that marriage had always been between a man and a woman (which would certainly come as a shock to those ancient Greeks and Romans) and required vaginal-only sexual intercourse in order to be legally established (which is the weirdest argument I’ve ever encountered).
Well, seems like Farah hasn’t filled his weekly quota of spewing nonsense, for he has a new column up that’s really just a collection of the usual absurdities. But, purely for the sake of amusement (hitherto referred to as “the lulz”), let’s take a look.
We start off with some Bible excerpts, which my brain has long since learned to automatically skip, before Farah chimes in:
Marriage is a divinely created institution – a union between one man and one woman.
That's the way God planned it.
I know it sounds old-fashioned to say this, but it's true. And someone has to say it as 21st century man tries to put it asunder.
No, actually, you really don’t. Partially because it’s the furthest thing from true that can be, considering how marriage (including that gay variant) has existed long before Jesus ever (allegedly) came along, and mostly because it’s boring and tedious to hear people like you repeat it over and over again. It’s more than old-fashioned: It’s complete crap.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. It will always be so. Were there times in the past, and even in the present in some other cultures, that stretched the definition to permit polygamy? Yes. But, as Jesus put it, "from the beginning it was not so." Was there a time when close relatives married? Yes. But as the human race became fruitful and multiplied, it became unnecessary and frowned upon. Has homosexuality been around for thousands of years of recorded history. Yes. But at no time did any civilized society have the audacity to redefine marriage as a union between people of the same sex – not even Sodom and Gomorrah went that far.
There's a reason for that.
They never existed?
It will spell the death of that civilization faster than will a broken economy, tyrannical leadership, illegal immigration, unsustainable debt, high taxes, government corruption, even child sacrifice – all terrible ills we currently endure.
GAYS WILL DESTROY THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!!!11!
Damn, where do married homosexuals get all that power from? Can I get a discount for being gay-friendly?
And if you thought that was weird:
No self-governing society can exist without marriage. It is the building block of civilization.
Okay, first, LGBT marriage supporters just wanted to “redefine marriage”. Now, we want to eliminate it? Farah, honey, I dunno where you’re getting your info from, but I suggest you stop listening to the voices in your head. They aren’t real.
That's because there is a small but powerful and vocal minority of people who seek to affirm and validate their own sinful lusts by forcing their will upon the majority. And they are winning.
Three claims, two lies. Same-sex marriage supporters aren’t a minority in the slightest, but are actually numbering the same as opponents – and rising fast. Second, no-one is imposing anything on anyone else. Allowing other people to marry is not oppressing you or your own rights in any way, shape or form. The exact reverse, in fact, in the sense that it means you aren’t allowed to violate their rights.
And third … yeah, we’re winning. Get used to it. A certain little birdie tells me it’s gonna be that way for a very long time.
But wait – you haven’t used any slippery slopes yet! And you call yourself a good wingnut? Tsk tsk tsk.
Justice Antonin Scalia warned about this a few years ago in his Supreme Court dissent in a case that overturned sodomy laws in the state of Texas. He explained that when courts overrule the will of the people on matters of sexual morality, they ensure that laws banning same-sex marriage, bigamy, polygamy, incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality and obscenity would all fall by the same misguided legal logic.
That was seven years ago.
Some people scoffed at Scalia's prediction.
Ah, there you go.
Nothing short of a massive spiritual revival or cultural counter-revolution will save us now.
Yeah, Glenn Beck tried that recently. I hear it didn’t really work out. But maybe you could do better.
Until Farah’s next impotent rant, then.