Saturday, June 05, 2010

Scariest haunted Hell House EVAR

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It seems that Christians have their own variant to the traditional Halloween haunted house – the aptly named Hell House. Here’s a 10-minute video of a tour through one of these abominations (and that word applies on several levels), sponsored by Trinity Church of Cedar Hill, Texas, and which focuses on what life is like for those mortals who don’t accept Jeezus into their hearts. The abyss to which these religiots stoop is both hilarious and horrifying:

I dunno which scene I like best: the kid in school who blows his brains out for no apparent reason (and gets dragged to Hell by a “grim reaper” who looks like he/she/it’s been punched in the face by a resisting victim); the kids who get into a car crash because they drove drunk (without explaining how Christiandom stops one from, well, drinking and driving); the (hilariously fake) abusive father who finds out his wife’s been cheating and then (presumably) beats her; a “gang” that captures a rival gang member (because Christians can’t be gangsters!); the cringe-inducingly bad depiction of a rave party where a girl is pressured to stay, gets force-fed a rape drug, then goes home to kill herself; and the best (and stupidest) scene of all, where a “gay” man is dying of AIDS (’cuz that’s all gays ever die of!) and declares his hatred of Jesus, at which point he instantly dies, whilst another patient, a girl who is hemorrhaging since taking an abortion pill (yes, very medically accurate, I see …) but ends up saved by an angel when she pleads for Jesus’s mercy …

God, my brain wants to go to Hell just to escape the torture that is watching this thermonuclear blast from the ass. It’s all so patently absurd, often to the point of laugh-out-loud ridiculous, except that it’s all viewed by young kids who then get pressured into praying for their souls at the end of it. Which makes my amusement take a sharp turn into rage.

Fucking Christotards. Makes you wonder how they can look in a mirror without the glass shattering and gouging their eyes.

(via Friendly Atheist)