An in-depth look into the muddy minds of Republicans

If you ever felt curious, bored or masochistic enough and really wanted a detailed probe into the standard Republican beliefs of late, then this report from Daily Kos on a recent poll on “self-identified Republicans” might just be the thing for you. It also works great at showing how it would appear that a muddled mess of brain damage and excess wingnuttery is a sort of prerequisite for being a Republican. It’s certainly the most evident deduction from poll results such as these:

Should Barack Obama be impeached, or not?

Yes 39
No 32
Not Sure 29

And, of course, he should be sentenced for the crime of:

Do you think Barack Obama is a socialist?

Yes 63
No 21
Not Sure 16

I vaguely wonder how those numbers would change if you actually went about and held up a freakin’ dictionary before the faces of some these idiots.

However, if you thought they weren’t brain-dead or traitorous enough, get a load of this:

Do you believe Barack Obama wants the terrorists to win?

Yes 24
No 43
Not Sure 33

So a full quarter of Republicans believe the president is in bed with Al-Qaeda. And another full third can’t even decide whether he is or isn’t.

That may be horrific, but this one is just ludicrous:

Do you believe Sarah Palin is more qualified to be President than Barack Obama?

Yes 53
No 14
Not Sure 33

It’s now official: more than half of Republicans are batshit insane.

They’re also idiots when it comes to that other bane of their existence, sexuality in young people:

Should sex education be taught in the public schools?

Yes 42
No 51
Not Sure 7

Right; better to stick with teaching them about abstinence and hope that they don’t end up putting their ill-informed genitals anywhere they shouldn’t. At least the Republican value of “family” will be fulfilled when new babies start arriving.

That’s not the only sort of education they’d like to screw up, of course:

Should public school students be taught that the book of Genesis in the Bible explains how God created the world?

Yes 77
No 15
Not Sure 8

Sadly, nothing new or surprising there. Why bother with science when goddidit?

On the other hand, what is surprising is their overall attitude towards women and female equality:

Are marrigiages^[sic] equal partnerships, or are men the leaders of their households?

Men 13
Equal 76
Not Sure 11

Should women work outside the home?

Yes 86
No 4
Not Sure 10

I admit, I’m surprised that only 13% of men believe that their subservient wimmen should stay at home to cook and mop the floors. Yay for progress!

Should contraceptive use be outlawed?

Yes 31
No 56
Not Sure 13

Do you believe the birth control pill is abortion?

Yes 34
No 48
Not Sure 18

Do you consider abortion to be murder?

Yes 76
No 8
Not Sure 16

… Or not! I still wonder how 34% of anyone can think taking a pill to inhibit ovulation is equal to terminating a pregnancy. Maybe with the dictionary-in-their-faces again? (As for them believing that abortion is murder, well, at least it explains how and why they believe contraception – which, of course, is abortion in their eyes – should be outlawed. Again with the “moar babiez” bit, right?)

Of course, though, the ultimate test to being a True Republican^TM is to be conservative, white, pro-war, anti-gay … and Christian (and wanting everyone else to be the same, too):

Do you believe that the only way for an individual to go to heaven is though Jesus Christ, or can one make it to heaven through another faith?

Christ 67
Other 15
Not Sure 18

So, a full 67% of Republicans believe anyone who doesn’t take Jesus in as their personal Savior is going to Hell. It does help to explain how they can discriminate against them so easily, with this amount of demonization.

So, what have we learned from this poll, people? Me … it’s that a large majority of Republicans actually want women to work and have an equal share in a marriage.

Now that is unexpected.

(Which, in itself, is both scary and sad.)

(via Pharyngula)