Glenn Beck the thin-skinned whiner

I’m certain more than one of you must’ve come across Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990 (*pant*), a parody website that uses the exact same style of rhetoric employed by Beck in his questions-slash-accusations. I’ve briefly skimmed it from time to time, and it is fairly amusing, especially as it truly does paint an exact mirror-image of the ever-outraged, nigh-intelligent wingnut.

But, of course, adhering to all the tried & true moral principals of wingnuts, Glenn Beck suffers from the intrinsic persecution complex that all True Loons^TM seem to possess. Now, he’s launched a formal complaint^(PDF) to the World Intellectual Property Organization and is trying to have the domain named yanked away from the person who registered it.

Now, why would he go after the domain name itself, and not just do something much simpler and more evident, such as file a defamation suit? Because even Beck isn’t stupid enough to think he could win a libel suit, seeing as there isn’t any actual libel taking place. The website in question is overly clear in its satirical nature, and no intelligent lawyer would ever even consider attacking it on libelous charges. So, obviously, Beck went for the next best thing.

But this isn’t even the good part of the story. The best of it all, is what the site owner’s attorney, Marc Randazza, has to say in response to Beck’s lawsuit:

There is no indication that the Respondent has intentionally attempted to confuse anyone searching for Mr. Beck's own website, nor that anyone was unintentionally confused - even initially. Only an abject imbecile could believe that the domain name would have any connection to the Complainant.

We are not here because the domain name could cause confusion. We do not have a declaration from the president of the international association of imbeciles that his members are blankly staring at the Respondent's website wondering "where did all the race baiting content go?" We are here because Mr. Beck wants Respondent's website shut down. He wants it shut down because Respondent's website makes a poignant and accurate satirical critique of Mr. Beck by parodying Beck's very rhetorical style. Beck's skin is too thin to take the criticism, so he wants the site down. Beck is represented by a learned and respected legal team. Accordingly, it is beyond doubt that his counsel advised him that under the First Amendment to the United States' Constitution, no action in a U.S. Court would be successful. Accordingly, Beck is attempting to use this transnational body to circumvent and subvert the Respondent's constitutional rights.

This is the sort of stuff I live for. Entirely accurate and brutally snappy, with just a speckling of merited qualitative insults – I love it!

Here’s just one example of how the site is a parody-style mirror of Beck’s own words and style. Below, is an actual quote from Beck, when he interviewed Muslim legislator Keith Ellison:

"No offense and I know Muslims, I like Muslims, I've been to mosques, I really don't think Islam is a religion of evil. I think it's being hijacked, quite frankly. With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying let's cut and run. And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview because what I feel like saying is, sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies. And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy. But that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way."

And then, an analog from DGBRaKaYGi1990 (God, acronym FAIL):

"Why won't Glenn Beck deny these allegations? We're not accusing Glenn Beck of raping and murdering a young girl in 1990 -- in fact, we think he didn't! But we can't help but wonder, since he has failed to deny these horrible allegations. Why won't he deny that he raped and killed a young girl in 1990?"

Brilliant. As Randazzo himself states: the website “has merely presented Mr. Beck with a mirror. If Beck does not like what he sees, the Respondent is not to blame”. I’d like to see if Beck gets anywhere with his silly lawsuit. I’m betting … no.

(via Dispatches From the Culture Wars)